Tag: #Love

The Uncomfortable Truth About Self-Compassion

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Let’s talk… about the uncomfortable truth of Self-Compassion.

Your best friend calls you on the phone; she is  crying. “I don’t know what has come over me today,” her voice filled with anguish. “I ate a chocolate doughnut with extra frosting, lost my temper with the kids, blew off my workout at the gym, and now I just told my husband that I can’t stand looking at his face!” She bursts into tears once again.

Your heart hurts for her, as you do your best to console her. You know she has been dealing with a lot of personal issues lately and she isn’t allowing herself the time and space to heal.

Most people find it easier to be compassionate toward others rather than themselves.

It’s a natural human desire to want to relieve the suffering of another human. But in order give compassion, we must first have the awareness and ability to give it to ourselves. Compassion is defined as a “Shared Feeling , a level of sympathy so deep that it inspires action to alleviate another’s pain, sorrow or suffering.” We must firstly be able to connect to our own suffering, to feel our own discomforts and then take action to soothe our personal pain in a healthy way. 

How do I learn to be Self-Compassionate?

In yogic traditions there is a practice called Ahimsa which means non-violence. This not only refers to physical action but also thoughts and words toward one’s self, others, and all living creatures. This principle reminds us of the importance of self-compassion

Creating space for ourselves is an important part of learning to be self-compassionate- The first step in showing yourself compassion is to make space in your day to just be in your own thoughts, to be with yourself in the present moment. Not thoughts of yesterday or two minutes ago or in an hour… just right now. Be aware of your body and its sensations and emotional feelings. Allow your physical and emotional needs to be important, heard, and seen by YOU. This is where Self-Compassion starts- the acknowledgement of Self. Learning how to soothe and heal your pain is the next step, but for now acknowledging the truth of how you feel is key.

Here is the Uncomfortable Truth About Offering Compassion.

Another yogic practice is Seva, meaning selfless service. This asks us to serve others with a mindset of expecting nothing in return and having no expectations regarding the outcome.

The ability to offer compassion to alleviate another’s suffering is a beautiful picture of a human act of love. Even more so when the action is aligned with a pure intention. There is the saying, “If you want to change the world, you have to start with yourself first.”

At the deepest level- at my core, what is my intention?

My ideas of compassion have led me into difficult situations, some life altering. For me, compassion  meant not saying No. On the surface level, I was afraid to hurt someone’s feelings, felt selfish, or I felt a sense of pity for them. My “compassion” was not coming from a place of pure intention rather from a deeper source of pain that I had not healed yet. Sometimes I wanted to feel needed, purposeful. Sometimes it was easier to offer others words of healing and encouragement rather than look at my own issues.

It’s really unnerving to ask ourselves questions that may uncover a deeper truth.

When you offer compassion, is it coming from a shared feeling (not just an experience) in which you have connected to within yourself and taken healthy actions to soothe? The hard question is, are you offering compassion as a means to distract yourself from your own internal suffering, to feel a false sense of healing through another, or maybe to find a sense of worthiness? 

Like I mentioned above, these are really difficult questions to ask, because what if the answer is… yes?

If this is true for you, firstly, do not get down on yourself; you are in good company. The good news is you are now aware of your need for compassion too. Taking the uncomfortable journey inward to feel in order to heal is the most loving act we can take for ourselves and then secondly for others. Remember compassion is not something you have to search for outside of yourself, it already lives inside of you at your deepest core. 

What is one thing that you can begin to do to show yourself… Self-Compassion?

Sending my love~ Maureen

What is Your Focus for 2022 – Establishing Your Gaze~

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What will you focus on for 2022- Establishing Your Gaze

It was about six years ago that I began taking large colored index cards and writing particular phrases as a reminder of certain emotional wellness qualities I wanted to inhabit as well as goals or intentions that I wanted to achieve. I began to incorporate this into my morning prayer and meditation in order to establish a mindset with a more positive productive direction each day. 

Fast forward to today, I still have those same big, pink, purple, and green index cards, but they have a lot more writing on them. As time moves forward, the world changes, situations change, and I change- thank goodness! Some of those cards have basic principles that apply to life no matter my age or the point in life that I am at, but other cards have been expanded upon with broader concepts. 

As we begin this new year, I would like to share one of my colored index cards with you, the original concept, and the reason behind it and then the expanded version as well.

When I created these cards six years ago, the card pictured below in particular, my main focus was “I.” I was seeking safety, strength, confidence, courage, and love from within myself. As you can see this card firstly reads, (I AM.) As time moved forward, as it always does, and I began to embody these concepts, my thoughts began to broaden past, “I Am.” 

About two years ago, in the beginning stages of the pandemic, I was relieved to be isolated. For me, the world felt like it was spinning way too fast and I was beginning to lose my balance. It was that quiet isolation that moved my, “I Am” to “We Are.” When I sat with my cards and read the words, “I Am”-  I began to hear the words, “We Are” in my mind. 

I think we can all agree that the last couple years has created a climate that has induced fear, confusion, lack of safety, an overall consensus of unknowing and separation. As I sat with the words, “”We Are”, I could feel the deep need of families, communities, states, countries- the human race to feel strength- courage- confidence- wellness- LOVE. 

With eyes closed and an open heart I now sit with this green card  in hand envisioning a beautiful ribbon flowing from me out into the world, touching everything and everyone-

“We Are- Strong”

“We Are- Courageous” 

“We Are- Confident”

“We Are- Well, Mind & Body”

“We Are – Safe- Grounded”

“We Have- Abundance in all areas of our lives”

“We Are – LOVE”

For the new year, which will be filled with an abundance of beautiful opportunities, moments to cherish, and celebrations, but also with difficulties to overcome, I will be focusing on the WHOLE- “We Are”, for there is strength in unity. May we each bring our beautiful differences together and create a year of unity and strength and lots of LOVE. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

 

Silent Gifts of Peace

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Silent gifts of peace wash over me in waves of grace,

As universal love unfolds like an unraveling mystery.

Lost within chaos, the hush of darkness gives way to that magical space where truth abounds in limitless love.

Surrendering to deep breaths, I’m back to that glorious place where lives love, joy and knowing.

Will You Marry Me?

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He is the same today as he was the day we shared our first cup of coffee, steady but supple, strong but soft, patient, composed and assured because life has presented him with a choice and he is ready to experience all he envisioned. This is why I have fallen in love with this man.

Love is….

Patient

Kind

It does not envy

It does not boast

It is not proud

It does not dishonor

It is not self-seeking

It is not easily angered

It keeps no record of wrongs

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth

It always protects

Always trusts

Always hopes

Always perseveres 

He held my hand and guided me down the boardwalk ramp onto the soft, damp sand that the tide left behind. He was unusually quiet this evening, a strange mix of urgency and aloofness. 

As the sun settled below the horizon, we settled into an area that was tucked away amongst the tall, lush beds of seagrass. The landscape was picturesque, so much so that I was compelled to capture its very essence. I untwined my fingers from his and turned toward the ocean which acted as a backdrop for the swaying grass. I have taken at least a hundred photos of this beach, but none of a night such as this.

“Honey,”  I heard Carl say softly. I turned, fully expecting to find this sweet man holding his hand out for mine, just simply wanting to enjoy the ambiance hand in hand. Rather, he was with one knee in the sand looking up at me with a smile that lit the darkening sky. I could see he was holding a small opened box with something that seemed to be catching the brilliance of his smile, but I couldn’t completely focus on anything but his beautiful face. “Will you marry me?” he said in a voice that almost wasn’t.

In an instant, I pieced together all the unusual events of the evening. I met his eyes with pure focus and elated laughter. “Ask me again,” I said with a silly smile. I didn’t want the moment to be over.

“Will you marry me?” he asked with a more playful tone this time.

“Yes! Yes, yes!” I joyfully responded.

My eyes now turning to the illuminating box held tightly in his hand. The ring had an intricate flower design and in the center a diamond that dazzled my eyes like a sky filled with millions of stars. Realizing I was in a deep trance, I quickly helped my new sea legged fiance’ to his feet. Making it official, he placed the ring, which symbolizes all he envisioned, on my finger.

Not Quite the Big 5-0 ~ Eight Important Matters I Learned in a Decade

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     The fabulous forties. A decade of fabulous moments, memories, milestones, and a great deal of transformation. I just turned 49 and I think I’m finally beginning to understand this thing called life and who I really am. It’s been a long excursion and I think I am ready to coast through this final year on my way to the Big 5-0.

     Like every other decade, the ’40s have concluded with a generous helping of life’s lessons; some easier to grasp than others. At times my life mimicked a soap opera and others a Hallmark movie. I have spent the last ten years in pursuit of authenticity and what I discovered was that I myself, wasn’t being authentic. 

     As I near the end of a decade, here are eight important skills that have helped me to find the real me. Some I have made peace with, others- well let’s see how I feel about them when I reach the big 5 -0.

  1. Self-validation-

Divorce catapulted me into my forties. I was a hot mess with all my unhealed past wounds laying out in the open for all to see. I can honestly say that I was mildly insane for a period of time. I acted and reacted to raw emotions that were triggered by all my insecurities. Unfortunately, I was looking for validation in the wrong places; it was a difficult season. But with a lot of love and coaching from my family and close friends and a great deal of time exploring and reflecting, I have started to learn how to self validate. This has been incredibly hard for me to fully achieve. I think I could call self-validation my arch-nemesis. At my weakest times, it brings me to my knees with doubt, preying on my insecurities. At my strongest times, it still lingers in the background trying to distract me from the stronger, more secure self I have come to know. 

  1. Boundaries-

 Until my early forties, I didn’t understand what a boundary was in a personal sense, which would make sense since this goes along with self-validation and self-worth. I knew what felt good and what didn’t, but I had a hard time drawing a line and saying enough is enough when it came to relationships and how I allowed others to behave around me. I also had to learn how to say no and express how I felt instead of just going along with something that didn’t always feel comfortable. 

  1. Don’t get attached to the details–

I used to be a Type A planner; I would plan every detail of every vacation, every event, every everything. I guess it gave me an illusion of control. To a degree, planning is necessary and fun, but it was also taxing and left no room for “life” to happen. I now do my best to have a plan for the big stuff, but let the little details work themselves out. Since doing this, life has sent me some really great surprises!

  1. F E A R- 

“False evidence appearing real.” I love that, it explains so much. I never realized how afraid I was of life. Fear has brought me to places that I didn’t belong and in some cases, kept me in places far too long. Understanding the actual reason I feel afraid of something has become key to making better choices. Regardless of what happens in my life, I learned that I will be okay. Divorce, health issues, bad decisions, lost investments, can’t find a home, child dilemmas, these are all scary circumstances that felt like a movie set from Hopeless in Hell. But with time there is healing and change. I made it through all of the storms and came out stronger.

  1. What’s the Rush-

Patience is not a quality that comes easily to me. When I start feeling like I need something to happen sooner than later, it’s a signal that I may be trying to ignore something that needs my attention. Slowing down and facing those F E A R’s have provided a richer more enjoyable daily experience to life. It’s not about the quantity, but rather the quality. 

  1. Listen to your gut-

This one took a long time to understand because it is tied to so many other life skills. I had a hard time deciphering the messages from my gut versus my untamed emotions. I would hear a small voice in the distance whispering to me, but those wild emotions that were looking for a quick feel better resolution would usually win. It became difficult to trust myself to make a better decision until I got a deeper understanding of where those wild emotions were coming from. This past decade has sent me many tests and pop quizzes on this subject and I am going to go out on a limb and say that I think I have a good handle on it now.

  1. Taking time to think- 

I think it was my new found love of running that led me to understand the importance of taking time to think or not think. Whether it be running, hiking, walking, writing, yoga, meditating, prayer, photography, this has been the decade of breaking out of ritualistic behaviors and partaking in practices that feel more natural. Doing this gives me a sense of connection, belonging, understanding, and love between myself and God, the universe, our world, nature, my family, friends, co-workers, and my fellow humans. 

  1. Love-

My perception of love has evolved over time. I now perceive love to be more of an action rather than an emotion; it reveals itself within the doing, as words alone contrive only an emotion. The doing started with me. It was very difficult for me to accept that I had value unless someone else was confirming it. Once I was able to do that on my own, I was then ready to reassess what kind of love I wanted in my life. 

     My 40’s have been some of the most difficult years, but most enlightening and liberating. The freeing feeling of shedding parts of myself that don’t belong to me and making peace with the parts that do have allowed me to find the authenticity that I was searching for. What discovery has made the biggest impact on you in the last decade? Please share with me; I would truly love to hear from you.

“To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom.” ~ Socrates.

“One can only be who one is meant to be.” ~ from the movie Coco

Harmony of Two Souls

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Harmony of Two Souls~

The porch swing gently glided to and fro

The fireflies began their dance among the darkening sky

Their lips had not yet met, nor had their hands ever touched

But their souls whispered to one another, longing to reacquaint

Unknowingly he breathed life into her secrets

Unknowingly she exposed his heart

The night grew darker, their eyes grew heavy, they bid the swing adieu

Come again….. called the swing

The darkened sky
The dancing fireflies
The gentle to and fro of the swing

Their hands met
Their vision unclouded
Their truths set free
Their worlds forever changed
Infused with grace

The unveiling of two souls awakening into a new world

MLara Brown~

Shadows~

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I am the sum of all that has passed through me, no more, no less.

My past shadows come to linger with my present; I tell them to go.

I am no longer those things that have brought me here.

They are only a part of who I am, pieces of my past, fractions of my life.

Places, people, points in time, like an old friend or lover that once walked by my soul.

Intimately, each piece of my past makes peace with my present, then crawls back into the shadow.

I am the sum of all that has passed through me, no more, no less.
~M Lara Brown

All things~ I am

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I am all things …

I am the summer breeze blowing through the tops of the trees, down through the soft blades of grass, and into my opened window.

I am the drops of rain, carried by the summer breeze, watering the land and cleansing the sky, outside my opened window.

I am the brook, fed by the drops of rain, bathing the birds and carrying the ducks, outside my opened window.

I am the bird, bathed by the brook, singing its song that makes me smile, looking outside my opened window.

I am the little girl dancing amongst the drops of rain, by the brook.
She hears the bird, carried by the summer breeze, and looks up at my opened window.

She sees me smile; she smiles back.

I am the summer breeze, the drops of rain, the running brook, the singing bird, the smiling girl.

I am all things and all things are me.
M Lara Brown~

Happy Everything! In the Kitchen

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Yesterday the family FINALLY gathered since the start of the March pandemic.
Seventeen of us gathered into a small-sized eat-in kitchen in the summer heat, celebrating the holidays, birthdays, and accomplishments that we’ve had to stay separated for. My mother always wishes to have a larger gathering space, but to me… it is this small space that creates the chaotically vibrant atmosphere that envelops our family in love. This small kitchen has been inviting us to congregate for over 35 years. Holidays, birthdays, graduations, and just because….. just because it is an open forum for laughter and love, for understanding and forgiveness, and a place that we all just feel at home. Yes, yesterday it was sticky and hot, but in the kitchen… all I could feel was my heart full of gratitude.

One Cup of Coffee and One Year Later

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Something was different, he wasn’t the same person I remembered, but neither was I.
There was a humbleness about him that allowed for honesty; he wasn’t hiding from the world or himself.
 
The future is unknown to us, and I think that is one of life’s perfections. In the unknowing and allowing, we are able to refine the sharp edges that life creates; and let the walls we build to be whittled away. We think we need these walls as protection, but if we understood the purpose of life we would understand how to ingest it. We do ourselves a dis-service trying to create and manipulate life rather than to just allow it to reveal itself.
 
It was on this day, last year, that I finally started putting the practice of allowing into place. Carl suggested we go for sushi to “catch up”. Never having sushi before, I was excited to try something new. We had not seen one another in a few years, which had been a brief encounter and rather a rude one, on my part, and before that- I couldn’t tell you when I had seen him last. Prior to going for sushi, I set the ground rules, they went something like this, “I want to make sure… that we are on the same page. Not that I am flattering myself in any such way… I just want to make sure that you know- I am NOT looking for a relationship (romantic). That I do love connecting with others – friendship wise. I am in a major healing place right now and I am seeking friendship – I don’t want to be flattered or talked shit too- I just want honesty and friendship… talking- laughing- enjoy the moment the conversation- life. Is that too deep and crazy sounding for you? I am not implying you are looking for a relationship- I just want to make sure you get where I am coming from – up front.”
 
“Lol, I never thought anything but. I’m not looking for anything at all Mo.” he seemed to text lightheartedly.
 
So, with that out in the open, the evening commenced. Sushi, which I LOVED, led to coffee at Starbucks where our conversation continued into the night on their parking lot patio. Without knowing, Starbucks had closed for the evening. The lights had been turned off and the employees had gone home. It was after 10 pm and I had to work in the morning. I left that night feeling like I just made a new friend. It was refreshing to have such deep and honest conversation with someone that was just as willing to be open and honest about the sharp edges and walls, real life.
 
One day rolled into the next, as our fondness for each other’s company grew. We spent many evenings talking over Carl’s carefully prepared meals which always ended with a cup of coffee and swaying back and forth on the porch swing in firefly glow.
 
Each night the space that laid between us on the swing became less and each night I promised myself I would leave by 10:00 pm, but I actually never left before midnight.
 
Those quiet hours that our two silhouettes spent sitting on that porch swing, talking and swaying, are forever etched in my mind and heart; it allowed our souls to come forward, free to be who we truly are.
 
A whole year has gone by! Though a lot has changed, there are a few things that remain constant-
Time still goes by in an instant when we are together.
We still talk for hours over a cup of coffee…. Or two.
And our souls are still forward and free, being who they want to be.
 
Though we may have taken a rocky road on our way to that night of sushi and coffee confessionals, I believe it is why we are together today, standing tall and basking in the rewards and perfection of life.
 
Happy Anniversary my dear, sweet love. Thank you for this past year of allowing life to take us where it wants to bring us. ♡