All things~ I am

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I am all things …

I am the summer breeze blowing through the tops of the trees, down through the soft blades of grass, and into my opened window.

I am the drops of rain, carried by the summer breeze, watering the land and cleansing the sky, outside my opened window.

I am the brook, fed by the drops of rain, bathing the birds and carrying the ducks, outside my opened window.

I am the bird, bathed by the brook, singing its song that makes me smile, looking outside my opened window.

I am the little girl dancing amongst the drops of rain, by the brook.
She hears the bird, carried by the summer breeze, and looks up at my opened window.

She sees me smile; she smiles back.

I am the summer breeze, the drops of rain, the running brook, the singing bird, the smiling girl.

I am all things and all things are me.
M Lara Brown~

Harness Your Energy

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“Learning how to disciple your speech is a way of preventing your energies from spilling out of you through the rupture of your mouth, exhausting you and filling the world with words, words, words instead of serenity, peace and bliss.” eat pray love

Happy Everything! In the Kitchen

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Yesterday the family FINALLY gathered since the start of the March pandemic.
Seventeen of us gathered into a small-sized eat-in kitchen in the summer heat, celebrating the holidays, birthdays, and accomplishments that we’ve had to stay separated for. My mother always wishes to have a larger gathering space, but to me… it is this small space that creates the chaotically vibrant atmosphere that envelops our family in love. This small kitchen has been inviting us to congregate for over 35 years. Holidays, birthdays, graduations, and just because….. just because it is an open forum for laughter and love, for understanding and forgiveness, and a place that we all just feel at home. Yes, yesterday it was sticky and hot, but in the kitchen… all I could feel was my heart full of gratitude.

One Cup of Coffee and One Year Later

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Something was different, he wasn’t the same person I remembered, but neither was I.
There was a humbleness about him that allowed for honesty; he wasn’t hiding from the world or himself.
 
The future is unknown to us, and I think that is one of life’s perfections. In the unknowing and allowing, we are able to refine the sharp edges that life creates; and let the walls we build to be whittled away. We think we need these walls as protection, but if we understood the purpose of life we would understand how to ingest it. We do ourselves a dis-service trying to create and manipulate life rather than to just allow it to reveal itself.
 
It was on this day, last year, that I finally started putting the practice of allowing into place. Carl suggested we go for sushi to “catch up”. Never having sushi before, I was excited to try something new. We had not seen one another in a few years, which had been a brief encounter and rather a rude one, on my part, and before that- I couldn’t tell you when I had seen him last. Prior to going for sushi, I set the ground rules, they went something like this, “I want to make sure… that we are on the same page. Not that I am flattering myself in any such way… I just want to make sure that you know- I am NOT looking for a relationship (romantic). That I do love connecting with others – friendship wise. I am in a major healing place right now and I am seeking friendship – I don’t want to be flattered or talked shit too- I just want honesty and friendship… talking- laughing- enjoy the moment the conversation- life. Is that too deep and crazy sounding for you? I am not implying you are looking for a relationship- I just want to make sure you get where I am coming from – up front.”
 
“Lol, I never thought anything but. I’m not looking for anything at all Mo.” he seemed to text lightheartedly.
 
So, with that out in the open, the evening commenced. Sushi, which I LOVED, led to coffee at Starbucks where our conversation continued into the night on their parking lot patio. Without knowing, Starbucks had closed for the evening. The lights had been turned off and the employees had gone home. It was after 10 pm and I had to work in the morning. I left that night feeling like I just made a new friend. It was refreshing to have such deep and honest conversation with someone that was just as willing to be open and honest about the sharp edges and walls, real life.
 
One day rolled into the next, as our fondness for each other’s company grew. We spent many evenings talking over Carl’s carefully prepared meals which always ended with a cup of coffee and swaying back and forth on the porch swing in firefly glow.
 
Each night the space that laid between us on the swing became less and each night I promised myself I would leave by 10:00 pm, but I actually never left before midnight.
 
Those quiet hours that our two silhouettes spent sitting on that porch swing, talking and swaying, are forever etched in my mind and heart; it allowed our souls to come forward, free to be who we truly are.
 
A whole year has gone by! Though a lot has changed, there are a few things that remain constant-
Time still goes by in an instant when we are together.
We still talk for hours over a cup of coffee…. Or two.
And our souls are still forward and free, being who they want to be.
 
Though we may have taken a rocky road on our way to that night of sushi and coffee confessionals, I believe it is why we are together today, standing tall and basking in the rewards and perfection of life.
 
Happy Anniversary my dear, sweet love. Thank you for this past year of allowing life to take us where it wants to bring us. ♡

By the Brook ~ I find Inspiration …. The Great Blue Heron

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Sitting by the open window, eyes closed as the cool morning breeze brushed past me, I heard a gentle splash in the brook.
I opened my eyes to see this magnificent site… The Great Blue Heron. 
A message of self-determination and self-reliance- progress and evolution, ability to maneuver through life, and co-create your own circumstances.
Thank you once again to my boyfriend for his gentle support, my parents for their patience, and a realtor that keeps her heart at the forefront of all she does. I am eternally grateful, for Rebekah and I are just where we should be.
  
   

Happy Mother’s Day ~Celebrating Love

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Happy Mother’s Day!

What an excellent day to celebrate the essence of love.
There was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to be a mother. And when the time came to fulfill that desire I prepared for Rebekah’s arrival in every way I knew how and if I didn’t know something, I researched and studied it like it was an exam. But no matter how much I had studied, nothing could fully prepare me for the life of being a mom and all the turns each experience would create.

No matter what circumstances take place in our lives we still carry the title mom. There have been many moments when I felt I didn’t deserve that title. Moments that I didn’t handle a situation as I should have, moments I just didn’t know what to say or do, moments that my personal life overrode my better judgement. I have definitely had moments of shameful regret.


But that being said, being a mom is a choice we have whether we planned to be one or not. A choice to learn what love is in ways that we are not always prepared for. Ways that are sometimes confusing, frustrating, and scary. But it is that word love, in the end, that sees us through. It is the love we find that lives deep within the core of our being; It is the love we’re born with and we have the courage and capability to allow it to shine through in all that life presents simply by being a MOM ♡ CHEERS to all moms everywhere. May you embrace the love that lives in you and shine it brightly today and every day!

Live Well~ xo

Embrace all Living Creatures~

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“A human being is a part of a whole called by us the universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.” ~Einstein
#collectivebody #beauty #embrace #love #support#share

Through a Runner’s Eyes

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“So often we can get caught up in the rankings, times, personal bests and competitions that we forget about the true joy and life changing experiences that our sport provides. Running is about a journey, a journey that engages an entire community and culture, yet inwardly transforms the mind, spirit, and body.”

“The race will begin in one minute,” the megaphone’s words reverberated in my ears. The early morning summer air was thick and seemed to hang low, making it difficult to breath even at a standstill. I was surrounded by a sea of experienced runners. I had only been training for three months and felt like a fish out of water. I glanced down at my phone in an effort to conceal the fact that I was a newcomer, Could they tell? I wondered. My stomach churned as I looked around at the other runners who were chatting and smiling with one another. The anticipation of uncharted waters was both exciting and nerve racking. I turned up the music on my phone and took a deep breath … BANG!

The crowd steadily moved forward like a cattle drive. I kept my head down and shuffled along within the close confines of the other runner’s shoulders. Within a couple minutes, I was able to break out into open space and pick up my speed to a more deliberate pace. As the nervous energy freed itself through my quickening limbs, my confidence rose and I fixed my attention on the road ahead allowing my thoughts to drift back to the beginning.

To begin a journey, first you must be inspired ~

Peering out the window, I could see the dark gray clouds hanging in the overcast sky. Another dreary, frigid winter morning, I thought as I shuffled into the kitchen and pressed “brew” on the coffee pot, hoping to find a little sunshine in the bottom of my snowman mug. The house looked so bare now that the Christmas tree was gone. All the holiday parties were over and I could feel the holiday humdrums settling in. With coffee in one hand and cell phone in the other, I snuggled into the corner of the couch and pulled a blanket over my legs. I scanned thoughtlessly through facebook in an effort to distract myself from dismal thoughts… then something caught my eye. A picture of my friend Nicole standing in front of Cinderella Castle wearing a fluffy yellow tutu and a huge smile on her face. She had just finished running in one of Disney’s Princess races. The sun shone so brightly in the picture that I swear I began to feel warmer just looking at it.

An instant yearning stirred within me and if I was being honest with myself, it was mixed with a bit of jealousy too. I sat up and immediately texted her wanting to hear everything about it and already conceiving my own tutu and tiara experience.

It was that cold, dreary morning in February of 2014 when I first became smitten with the idea of lacing up a pair of running shoes and heading out the door to earn my tiara. What I didn’t know was, what I just thought would be a fun, novel event to participate in, would actually help me find love again… love for myself and a new found life. I had not only become immersed in my daughter Rebekah’s activities over the past eight years, but there had been a quiet storm brewing and dark clouds were rolling in. I was unknowingly preparing for it.  By that following March of 2015 my marriage was in obvious trouble and by the end of June he had moved out and reconciliation was no longer a consideration.

Making the commitment~

I pressed submit on my laptop, officially committing to running in the runDisney Princess 5k and 10k race, yet I hadn’t even attempted to run one mile in 20 years. What’s three miles, I thought. Six is a little intimidating, but three should be no problem. I unearthed the shoebox that held the $25.00 clearance ASICS from under my bed and slipped them on while thinking of Cinderella and her first pair of glass slippers.

Stepping onto the front porch into the morning July sun, I felt invigorated. The plan was to run one mile; I set my timekeeper app and took off in full confidence. After what felt like a good stretch of time, my legs began to feel so heavy, as if Cinder Blocks were attached to my ankles. My heart was beating against my chest like a caution signal flashing warning. I looked down at my watch to see how long I had been running, “60 seconds!” I gasped aloud. I was going to have to ease into this running thing. I mentally revised my plan to a run/walk strategy and completed the three miles with less finesse than I anticipated.

Though I felt like a car that ran out of gas, there was an excitement stirring within me. I walked the rest of the way home to cool down and plot my new plan of action. If I was going to do this, I wanted to do it right. Kristin Banse, an Access Physical Therapy & Wellness team member says, “Recognize that as you fatigue, your form is more likely to be compromised. Usually when a runner’s form is compromised mechanical stress increases and injury can soon
follow.”

The thrill of a new challenge had me completely engaged. Every morning after I sent Rebekah to school I would take off to conquer those miles. My morning runs became a part of my day that I looked forward to. Getting out in the open air and stretching my legs felt so freeing. Listening to the sound of my heartbeat and the rhythm of my breathing would almost set me into a hypnotic state that helped me to pace myself through the miles. I was now comfortably running without any walk breaks and closing in on that 10k mileage goal, I felt unstoppable.

I had to submit an official race time to runDisney, so I found a local race for my test run. This would be a great time to try out my newfound race legs. Adorning a pair of pink Minnie ears for a little Disney inspiration, I set out at 7 a.m. that morning a bundle of nerves, not knowing what to expect. With the sound of the starting pistol, the crowd inched forward. I had never run alongside anyone, so it took a moment to adjust to my surroundings.

Once I broke free from the confines of the crowd, I was able to release the tension I had been carrying that morning and settle into a comfortable pace. The humidity hung on my limbs like heavy wet rags and the climate of my mouth mimicked that of a desert. There were spectators lining the village streets and neighborhoods, calling out words of encouragement, cheering us on toward the finish line. The sound of their voices and clapping hands infused me with the fortitude I needed to climb the winding hills. The faint sound of music found its way to my ears.

As I rounded the corner the triumphant sight of FINISH, spelled out in large letters hung high in the air. It triggered my muscles to exert the last bit of stamina I had. The moment my feet crossed the finish line, a feeling of bliss came over me. It was like an official stamp of approval to confirm my achievement, an unmatched sense of accomplishment and I wanted more. My attention was instantly focused on Rebekah as she threw her little arms around my waist and squeezed tight. “You did it Mommy!” she said with as much excitement as if she had run the race herself.

A tutu, a tiara and my favorite mouse Mickey ~

The anticipated day had come, my plan was executed and I was off to the Princess Races with a larger than life red tutu and a sparkly silver tiara, direct from China for $5.99. I had been to Disney dozens of times, but never for such an occasion as this. Nicole and two of her friends greeted me at the Orlando Airport and from there we were off and running to Disney World for our coronation.

The following morning we boarded our coach bus at 4 a.m. and headed to Epcot for the 5k race. The night sky had not yet given way to the sunrise, leaving the air damp and brisk. Florida was having unseasonably cold temperatures, barley hovering over 32 degrees. With only a thin pair of running shorts under my tutu, I shivered for an hour and a half in the corrals with more than 15,000 other princesses. Suddenly, fireworks burst into the dark sky, signaling the release of the first corral. Each corral received the same send off, lighting the pathway for the thousands of runners.

As we raced down the Disney highways, every runner in sight seemed to be dressed in their Disney best, paying homage to their favorite characters. It wasn’t long before the sun began to rise and crest the calming waterways as we came upon the Boardwalk Resort. The sound of hundreds of running shoes thumped along its wooden planked walkways. The atmosphere permeated with joy; I was having the time of my life in the company of so many others that were seemingly doing the same. It was all going too fast. No matter how many times we stopped to take pictures with characters or take a longer route, the end was nearing quickly.

Alas, the end of the course was just ahead, as we flew into World Showcase for a runner’s tour around the world. Germany… Italy… Japan… Morocco… France… United Kingdom and Canada! The countries went by in a flash, all for the price of a single airfare ticket. The third mile marker was just ahead and I felt like I had just started the race. Crossing this finish line was in some way different. The thrill of completing the course was not at the forefront this time around. It was the spirit of the adventure that added another layer of enthusiasm to my newfound love, along with the camaraderie of like-minded people. I had one more race to run the next morning and I couldn’t wait!

 

 

I departed my Disney weekend and arriving back home with a deeper desire for more adventure and ready to push myself to the next level – 13.1 miles.

Finding strength and purpose~

Shortly after I arrived back in New York, those storm clouds were hovering overhead. Life at home was very tense and it was getting increasingly difficult to deny the inevitable. I found myself in my running shoes more often than not, searching for direction and a sense of peace. My struggles at home seemed to parallel the obstacles I encountered while attempting to meet my physical goals. Some days my wandering thoughts of the unknown would completely zap my strength and keep me from my morning runs, but the down times never lasted too long. As my life evolved, I had to evolve with it.

I set my focus on training for my first half marathon. I could not allow my personal circumstances to interfere with my progress and despite all the discord; I was motivated more than ever. I posted a message on my Facebook page in search of a running buddy. I felt a bit silly and wondered what others would think about my inquiry; it was like I was placing an ad for a new friend. Within hours, I had responses from people I hadn’t seen since high school; they had caught the running bug too. We scheduled times and locations to meet up.

This helped me to expand my mileage and my sights outside of my neighborhood. I was craving new scenery and suddenly wanted to explore every nook and cranny of the Hudson Valley. I sought out several rail trails, finding each one unique to its area. Some were dirt paths amongst acres of farmland and cow pastures and others paved pathways that ran alongside streams and lush woodlands. I ran beside the Hudson River, following it over bridges. I ran through state parks and town parks, gardens and winding country roads. The Hudson Valley never looked as beautiful as it did through my eyes as a runner. It was as if I was seeing my home of 43 years, with a new pair of eyes. I started photo journaling my travels and created a blog called Running to My Life. I was now, more than ever, running with a purpose.

A fellow runner told me that the psychological aspect of running is indicative to running away from the things in life that you don’t want to face. This is not so for me; I am running toward my life and pushing the limits that I have consciously set for myself. When asked about the benefits of running, Dr. Jill Sussman, an Advanced Practice Nurse in Adult Psychology commented,  “Exercise, especially running, has a profound effect on our emotional and physical well-being. It is an effective tool for stress, anxiety, depression and self-esteem. Bottom line, it can just make you feel good,”

I not only added the element of scenery but also community. By entering local races, I engaged more fully within my community. I ran races for Homeless Veterans, Safe Harbors, United Way, Toys for Tots and local police departments to name a few. With each race, I met people that also shared a love for running- some of which became my good friends. They had a wealth of knowledge and shared their experiences of fueling for long runs, speed training and how KT Tape could be a runner’s best friend. In heeding their advice, I started placing within my age division and bringing home medals and trophies. Somehow, my simple plan to be a princess for a weekend set me on a path toward a more engaging life.

No Limitations~

It had been four months since I arrived home from the princess races and I was ready to carry out my 13.1-mile goal. I stepped out of the car and set my feet onto the pavement of the Marist College parking lot. This was the starting point for the Walkway of the Hudson Half Marathon 2015. I was there with two of the friends I had met through my Facebook post inquiry. We followed a walkway to the top of a grassy hill that provided a stunning view of the river that I have run alongside so many times. Looking out over the water, I thought about the past year’s events. It was just one year prior that I had attempted to run my very first mile, now I was about to run 13. I wasn’t terribly nervous; I felt prepared, determined and ready.

The crowd quieted for the national anthem and then the sound of the starter pistol shot through the air. It was an uphill run right from the start; this is what I trained for, I assured myself. I kept my eyes focused on the ground and paced myself accordingly. I noticed people veering off to the side in order to catch their breath.

By mile three, the ground finally leveled and we turned onto a narrow dirt trail, but now the course was cramped and hard to keep a steady pace without weaving and bobbing through the masses.

It was around the sixth mile and my body was starting to feel taxed from the rising heat and humidity, then…  I felt a disturbing twinge in my right knee. Immediate thoughts of not being able to finish, raced through my mind. I pulled my attention back to the trail and envisioned crossing the finish line with arms held high in victory; I was already halfway there.

About the ninth mile, all I could think about was how exhausted and hot I felt; I was miserable. It was mile 10 and I had finally made it to the bridge. I gazed out over the water and down the long winding river that was nestled between the mountains. Inhaling deeply, I fixed my eyes on the blurred distant trail, but keeping my renewed vision in focus.

Just as I heard a volunteer announce that there were, only three miles left to go, my knees started to lock up. I can do this, I assured myself.

The remaining two miles were laden with taxing inclines; just as I reached the crest of one, another was there waiting. Delirium was setting in, as I truly began to wonder if there was an end to this course.

As I approached a darkened underpass, I could see people lined along the sides cheering and shouting, “YOU’RE ALMOST THERE!” A chill ran from the bottom of my feet, straight to the top of my head. Whether it was from excitement or heat exhaustion, I don’t know, but I knew at that point I had made it.

Crossing that 13.1-mile finish line with my arms held high above my head, I felt like I had won a long, difficult battle.

When I think back to the day I attempted to run my first mile, I will never forget my feelings of uncertainty, nor will I forget the exhilarated feeling of achievement. Running undoubtedly has become the most effective tool for showing me what I am really made of. It has proved that I can push through barriers and view struggles as mere obstacles that are meant to be hurdled. Running makes me strong, empowered, accomplished and an awesome role model for my daughter. As the miles accumulate, so does my desire for more. Next stop, 26.2 miles!

Seasons Change

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Reluctantly, I opened my eyes to greet the early morning sunlight flooding into the room. I lie still for a moment, assessing my surroundings; I notice that something feels different. Slowly raising myself into a seated position, I see my two cats still slumbering at the foot of the bed, but that is all that is recognizable. I gaze out the window and notice that the leaves on the trees have begun to turn yellow. I refocus my gaze back inside the room and back to my new reality; 47-years-old and back home with mom and dad, except this time I have the company of my 12-year-old daughter and our two cats. This may have been my house many years ago, but this is not the home I created these past 16 years.

The room is still and silent, as it is very early. Both Rebekah and my parents are asleep, so I quietly open the door and tiptoe down the small, narrow hallway to the kitchen. Giggling to myself, I think about all the times I had done this while sneaking out in the wee hours of the morning to meet my friends. The rising sun gives off just enough sunlight so I do not have to turn the kitchen light on. Reaching for the boldest K-Cup I can find, I pop it into the Keurig and lean against the counter with my arms folded, listening to the sounds of a fresh, hot cup of coffee being brewed. “So many memories in this house,” I think to myself. I look over toward the china cabinet and envision my high school friend and I standing in our Madonna-esk, synthetic lace dresses for homecoming. Then, my thoughts trail off to the kitchen of what was my home and I wonder if the new owners are awake making their coffee too. I turn back around to claim my cup from the machine and retreat to my room, leaving my thoughts and memories lingering behind. I slip back through the door that I left ajar, this time more concerned I do not stir the cats so I can revel in my morning cup of sunshine while it’s still hot. I situate myself in a seated position under the cozy covers with my Mickey Mouse coffee mug snuggled between my two hands and stare out the window at the yellowing leaves. “Seasons.” I whisper aloud, “For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven:”.

It was just yesterday that I was sitting at my lawyer’s office, signing away the ownership of my home. Though it remains one of my most proud accomplishments, it was time to allow someone else to care for it. I had felt an emptiness in the pit of my stomach, an unsettling feeling that kept my mind slightly distracted; maybe it was because I was signing away what I believed to be a fixture of my independence and security. Like a blanket that makes you feel safe and secure, I wrapped myself within its walls as protection from my life and used it as a crutch to control my environment.  I had purchased the charming 1920’s cottage nearly sixteen years ago before I had gotten married. After the divorce, it became too difficult to maintain; it just needed more TLC than I was able to provide. Despite all the cracks that covered its plaster walls like an intricately woven spider web and all its quirks that I had learned to live with, I loved the warmth of its hug each time I walked through its front door.

I procrastinated packing for weeks because I knew it wouldn’t be easy placing all the memories into boxes; it felt like I was stripping the house of its life… or was it mine? Each night, after dinner, I had packed the contents of a different room. The house, Rebekah and I would reminisce about all the events we shared together. She loved listening to the stories as the house and I recaptured the memories and retold them to her. “This old house has watched over us since before you were born.” I reminded her, trying to sound more upbeat than sentimental. “It welcomed you home from the hospital in your big frilly bonnet on a snowy March day and sent you off to kindergarten with your adorable pigtails and Minnie Mouse lunch box.” “It has watched every Christmas tree light up with hope and happiness and it has listened to us sing happy birthday to you each and every year.” As I had begun to talk about all our pets, my thoughts trailed off to a more solemn time. Like a reliable and dependable friend, the house had helped me glue the pieces of my life back together when my marriage ended. I had wished I could take the house with me, but I knew it was time to say farewell so we could both move forward into the future to experience new growth.

When the final box had been packed and shipped off to the storage unit and Rebekah off to her grandparents, it was just me, the cats, and the house. I stood in the center of the living room while the cats entwined their bodies around my ankles as if they knew I had needed their support at that moment. “Well kitties, this is it; time to make new memories somewhere else,” I said as I closed my eyes standing in the empty living room remembering Rebekah’s many birthday parties. The laughter and singing that once filled the room echoed in my ears, “Happy birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Rebekah…” Slowly, I opened my eyes, took a deep breath, and walked toward the front door. Hesitantly, I placed my hand on the doorknob, then slowly turned back around to face the barren house, “Thank you.” I said softly, then turned and walked out its door, down the porch steps, and got into my car. I chose not to turn my eyes toward the house again. How many times could we say goodbye?

Driving back to my parents’ house with a car full of miscellaneous items and two distraught cats, I had begun to feel the effects of the two-high paced days. The lack of sleep had started to seep into every limb of my body, making everything seem as it was going in slow motion. For a moment, I had thoughts of pulling into my favorite Stewart’s Shop one last time for a cup of coffee, but the sentiment was too bittersweet and the cats were vocalizing their displeasure. I turned the radio on to tune them out and keep myself alert. The 30-minute drive was a blur, I must have allowed autopilot to take control of my body. All I remember is pulling into my parents’ driveway and unloading the menagerie of contents from my car. With every armload, I had imagined a clown car from a circus with the never-ending items pulled from every compartment. Bending down to extract the last piece of my past, I had pulled out what would inevitably become a part of my future. I stood in the driveway holding a rock from the foundation that my home had been built on; it felt durable and strong. Holding the rock in my arms, I carried it toward my parents’ house. The yellowing trees drew my attention upward. “Seasons.” I whispered with a smile, “To everything, there is a season.”

Live Well~

Unexpected Affirmations

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It was one of those weekday mornings when you wake up and for some unknown reason you just feel off. The kind of morning that feels like a battle just to get out of bed and start moving.On this particular morning I actually argued with myself not to call out sick. Maybe it was the strange encumbering dreams or the persistent dreary weather that refused to give way to sunshine that caused my inoperative mood. Regardless of dreams or weather, it was not a morning that felt like it would be filled with inspiration, but it didn’t end that way!

The sound of the alarm echoed in my ears, I reached for my phone and swiped toward snooze. I closed my eyes and immediately began dreaming. The sounding of the alarm once again, coupled with the pleading meows of two cats, finally got me to my feet.

I took my disgruntled self to the kitchen and began my morning routine. The cats encircled my legs while looking up at me with their half shut eyes. I dished out their morning kibble, my not so jovial mood was none of their concern. As I waited for my first cup of coffee to brew, I stared out the kitchen window while washing the remnants of last nights snack dishes. The crazy dreams that invaded my slumber the night before flooded my mind; my subconscious runs a muck while I sleep, I think to myself and shake my head in a slightly confused state. Slowly shuffling back to my bedroom holding my steaming coffee mug against my chest to allow it’s warmth to penetrate my t-shirt, I will the day to already be over. I have thirty minutes before Rebekah is to arrive home from her father’s house to catch the school bus, hopefully I can shake this crappy feeling by then.

My cup was empty and Rebekah was walking up the front porch steps. I jump up off my bed and quickly get to the front door as it opens- ready or not all systems a go!

“Good morning little girl.” I say as she flies in the front door and makes a beeline for her room.

“Mom, do you know where my lint roller is?!”, she yells from her closed bedroom door.

I place my hand on her door knob and before I so much as turn it, she yells,”Don’t come in! I’m changing my shirt!”

I take a deep cleansing breath and turn and walk toward the kitchen. Searching through the junk drawer I find it laying next to several pens, pencils and thumb tacks. “You have eight minutes until the bus comes!”, I shout out toward her room. She emerges from her room grabs the lint roller and runs to the bathroom. I can hear the water running and the sounds of a toothbrush working fast and furious. “Rebekah, we have to go now or we will miss the bus.” I say as calmly as possible; an impromptu trip to the middle school was not on my list of things to do that morning.

“I’m not ready yet!” she frantically yells while running back into her bedroom.

I drop my head and take another cleansing breath. I place her lunch into her lunch box, grab her bottle of water from the fridge and stand by the front door with my keys in hand ,not knowing if we were taking the short ride up the hill to the bus stop or a car ride all the way to school. She plops down on the tiled floor and shoves her sneakers on her feet and grabs her backpack and off we go. I start the car and begin driving up the hill to the bus stop when suddenly she wells up with tears, “I left my gym clothes on the chair!”

“I will drop them off to you on my way to work.” I say glad to relieve her of her worrisome look. I guess I will be taking that impromptu trip after all, I think to myself as I hear the bus brakes squealing to a stop.

“Thanks Mom!,” she says as she opens the car door and jumps out. Lowering her head back down, she says quickly, “Love you!” then runs off to the bus.

I smile and call out after her, “Love you too little girl, have a good day.”

Driving back down the hill to the house I notice how thick and grey the clouds are, they mimic my dreary mood to a tee. I couldn’t wait to wrap my hands around a second cup of coffee and just sit and read for a bit. I still have a good amount of time before leaving for work, maybe enough time to turn my mood around or I may just have to resolve to calling out sick.

After another strong cup of coffee and a little meditation, I coax myself into the shower, why waste sick time on a bad mood and a rainy day. I pull some random top from my closet, do a quick five minute face with my makeup essentials, take three minutes to blow dry my hair and I am out the door.

First, a quick pit stop to the middle school with the forgotten canvas bag of gym clothes and then I continue on to work. Parking is scarce but I finally find a far off space. I dig in my bag for my umbrella and begin my trek across the campus. “Good Morning.” I say in a half hearted cheery way to my fellow administrative co-worker, as I enter into the School of Nursing.

Glancing over at my desk I see a vase of colorful spring flowers. How nice, I think in a confused manner. I set my bags under my desk and see another bouquet of flowers lying alongside my keyboard with two cards addressed to me saying Happy Administrative Assistants Day- now it made sense!  A gift bag and a few other items wrapped in tissue paper and curly ribbon were placed by my monitor. I settle myself in and open the first card. Inside was a $50.00 gift card, but more importantly were notes of gratitude written by the professors which immediately made me smile from the inside out.  Opening the next card, from a professor that has become very dear to me, I notice for the very first time that her handwriting resembles my belated Nanny’s. In some way I feel it’s a sign I am meant to take notice of. Inside the card was a gift- an overly generous gift in the form of a check. Speechless, I sit motionless staring at the generous gift that lay alongside her sweet words of appreciation within the card. I close the card, slide it back inside the envelope and place it in my purse for safe keeping. Among the other gifts were soaps and tea, chocolate, and a Dunkin Donuts gift card, I am starting to feel like I made the right choice to come to work today! I clear my desk space and try to focus on my work for the day.

Just as I am starting to gain focus, my co-worker and I are asked to come down the hall to the conference room for a meeting. Feeling a bit frustrated because I needed to retain focus, I grab my water bottle and a banana and head out the office doors and down the corridor. As I turn the corner, the glass window walls reveal something much different than a meeting, it’s a celebration. My eyes widen at the spread of food covering every inch of the conference table. Walking through the doors with a smile from ear to ear, I am realizing this was not a day of defeat but more like a message to push on regardless of how I might be feeling at any given moment- day- or week. As I stood at the foot of the room, looking around at everyone, I thought how nice it would be if we could do this every so often for no other reason than to just enjoy each others company.

After I had my fill of conversation and food, I decide to make my way back to the office and try to once again regain focus on the tasks of the day. I sat at my desk in deep thought while munching on a chocolate chip cookie that I brought back from the luncheon. It’s interesting how quickly a person’s day can change. I started out in a foggy, grim state of mind and in a matter of a few hours I was enjoying a day full of blessings and gratitude. Imagine if I had given in to my melancholy mood. Imagine if I didn’t make the decision to push myself forward; I would of not only missed out on a day of celebration in my honor but I would of also disappointed a lot of people who put their good thoughts and time into something special.

I spent the rest of the day in much gratitude for my job, the people I work with, and for the reminder that each day is a gift in one way or another- regardless of how I might feel when I wake up in the morning. It takes effort to maintain a mindful heart of gratitude through all of life’s events, but if we do it is sure to only create more positive moments that will enhance and bless our lives in the days to come.

Live Well~