#trust – Rooting to Rise

Unearthing Deep Roots

Posted on August 20, 2022August 20, 2022 by twomomsadmin

Good morning from… by the brook♡

It’s just after 6am. The sun is slowly rising casting a nourishing golden glow, gently awakening it’s subjects below. The reflection of subtle ripples riding down the brook are projected upon a small tree just beyond it’s edge. And the persistent bellow of an adolescent Blue Jay begging for breakfast echoes through the moist morning air.

A quiet sense of knowing inhabits my whole being this morning. This week has brought about hours of unraveling. It’s almost inconceivable how intricate our psyche is, how innately intelligent our bodies are. The last two days I’ve spent on my knees clawing at the mud, unearthing the deep roots that directed the way, acting on my behalf for so many years. Sadness – grief – horror – anger – and fear waved in and out, each taking their turn churning my stomach, swooning my head.

It all happened so quickly, like flashes of lightening amidst a rain storm, illuminating the pummeling rain.

Then as quickly as it all rushed in, it slipped out, leaving open space, room to breath and promise of safety and hope of deep intimate connections- Above all… conclusively the truth.

I can still see her just out of my reach. She is crying, so scared and feeling alone. Captive within her constructed wall of worriment, searching for safety. My heart ripping into tiny pieces, as I can feel every ounce of her unprocessed pain. Part of me wants to reach my hand out to her, “I can help you, grab ahold,” But the other part so afraid she will pull me back in. Closing my eyes and bowing my head, I honor this moment for what it is. A traversing in time, shifting from sealed off into spaciousness- a building of trust within.

As I am writing this to you, a Blue Heron is flying by and he has landed in the tree just past the sight line of my patio. He always seems to visit at just the right moment.

I trust that the sun will rise each morning, that rain will fall, birds will fly, the bee will sting, and the wind will blow.

That leaves are green, then orange, yellow & red, and eventually brown.

I trust that the dark night will always invite the moon and millions of stars. And fireflies will light the way as the deer lay down and close their eyes.

I trust that who ever needs to read this will receive it well within their heart.

Sending you my love and a wish for open, spacious skies♡

Maureen♡xo

Back to the Books!

Posted on August 1, 2016March 31, 2022 by twomomsadmin

Everyone has had a certain subject in school that was difficult for them, one that took longer to get a passing grade or a well deserved ‘A’ .

As I am ‘Running 2 My Life’, some subjects I pass with flying colors but there is one I seem to come up short in, Rejection, or shall I say, what I perceive to be rejection. I am wired to draw from the wrong material I studied from for years. This gets me a big fat ‘F’ in Rejection.

It’s a really difficult feat to rewire my inner workings, but it is not impossible. I refuse to allow any grade less than an ‘A’ to go onto my report card, so I will continue to study until I become a Master of Rejection!

When I hear the word, “NO”, I hear- “You are not good enough”, “You are not smart enough, “You are not pretty enough”, “You are not loveable enough”, none of which is true. Life is full of rejection regardless of how perfect or imperfect I am. I must learn not to act as if “NO”, is like a life threatening disease.

“NO”, is life’s way of weeding out what and who is a positive power in our existence ….. and what is not. TRUSTING life’s process is a key component to becoming successful. Trust, ugh! …. another difficult subject for me.

That’s why I go back to the books and study some more for the next test life throws my way. I WILL get that well deserved ‘A’ that I am striving for!

Life can be a beautiful process if we all learn the importance of the word, “NO”.

Never give up on your dreams, anything is attainable, failure is not fatal, rejection is not a life threatening disease, it’s just an opportunity to learn to trust in life’s process and bring you closer to where you are meant to be.

Live well~ xo

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Finding Strength in the Unknown~

Posted on May 28, 2016 by twomomsadmin

As I go about my day… the feeling of loneliness tries to creep in– but I ignore it knowing that something has changed in me these past weeks. I am starting to feel the strength of knowing who I am again. The calmness and peace of truly knowing who you are in this world and what you have to offer is nothing short of a gift. As I sit in the silence of my home sipping a glass of chardonnay and eating left over chicken salad for dinner, I listen to the sounds of spring; the melody of frogs chirping and croaking outside my open window brings an immense sense of peace and calmness. Not wanting for anything in this moment, I know that my true self is slowly emerging into place.

It has been a long two weeks; I don’t ever want to feel even the remanence of emotions that my past has evoked, though it was a necessity for me to feel every last bit that had haunted me within. When you choose not to distract yourself with false monetary pretenses, it is then that the lessons you are meant to learn in life show themselves in the light that you need to see and feel them. There are times when you are amidst these lessons that you feel there is no possible way you will ever be whole again, but it is also at those most intense times that change is occurring deep within your being; it is important to know and hold on to the knowledge of this.

Though my most recent changes have been the onset of this raw and all-encompassing emotional state, it is these changes that have freed me to seek out who I am, where I belong and to accomplish in this life what I have been predestined to. –“Woman must come of age by herself. She must find her center alone.” – Anne Morrow Lindbergh

I do feel that the path we take in life creates who it is we are meant to be– though I can’t help but to wonder if some of the choices I made while traveling my path has prolonged the arrival of my destination. Destination – is there a final destination? I think I am now learning that there is not and furthermore, that there is not meant to be one. I have been on a search since I can remember, for something to grab hold of me and give me that feeling that I have arrived at the right destination. I am finally realizing and taking hold of the true meaning of a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Life is a journey, not a destination.” I find peace and excitement within these words. The fulfillment of not knowing what is going to happen and the endless possibilities that this notion creates is enough to launch me leaps and bounds ahead of where I was just one short year ago. I am grateful for my resilience and dedication to press on through all the discomfort and confusion and to be able to arrive at this very place.

As the warmer weather has been ushered in by the onset of spring, I realize through the winter there was a sense of renewal taking place. Each year as winter approaches the trees shed themselves of their leaves so in spring their renewed beauty has a place to reveal itself and so it is with me, through this winter I was shedding my old self to bring forth the renewed beauty of who I am becoming.

So here I am as Memorial Day weekend is approaching, a time when families and friends gather to enjoy one another’s company. I have been on the pursuit this whole week to find a place to fit in so I don’t feel the absence of what this weekend is about to bring, a feeling of loneliness. My Rebekah is with her father, my parents are out of town and my friends are preoccupied with their own life’s challenges. Having an evening alone is a welcomed thought, but enduring a holiday weekend for four days and nights without plans goes against my grain. I have settled into the notion that this is for a purpose; I am learning and practicing to trust the process of life. I have changed my mindset to embrace this time to have a more deepened sense of self- by myself. Becoming honest with me and trusting life’s process to guide me has been an incredibly difficult feat. My past has taught me the need to challenge and control- but within that there was a sense of responsibility that was exhausting and uncomfortable, like swimming upstream against the current. In letting go of this need to predestine my time, I am learning to feel content with not knowing. My openness to an unscheduled life is an olive branch extended toward learning to trust life, myself,others, and God.

I will end with a quote from the book I am reading, A Year by the Sea – by Joan Anderson, “When one is freshly informed, has a serendipitous experience, one’s mood is changed. That is why taking time to see, hear, be present to images and language that arises from new experiences have the power to change one from one way to another.” – Clarissa Pinkola Este’s

Live well xo

“What You Resist Really Does Persist”

Posted on May 7, 2016May 24, 2016 by twomomsadmin

Learning to ~Trust~ Myself and Life

My last excerpt in, My Personal Journey, I spoke about discovering my inner child and the importance of her having trust and faith that I would take care of her. I have been working diligently on this, though I did encounter some road blocks and it took me a little while to find the next important path to travel.

As I mentioned in previous posts, when the decision was made to end my marriage, my initial feeling was that of relief – I was ready to surrender, claim my losses and move forward. After moving past the emotions equated with loss, I quickly moved onto dealing with unresolved emotions that were buried deep within and that was the fruition of ‘Meeting my Inner Child’. Then came about those road blocks I mentioned above. Through a brief relationship I had, I was able to shed a tremendous amount of light on areas that are of great importance in order to move forward toward a happy, fulfilling, and successful future.

“It is important to trust what your life is trying to communicate”

I sought to dig deeper within myself to uncover and expose what I felt had a huge grip on my spirit. I started reading the book ‘TRUST’ and my entire world felt like it began to unravel as I realized I had no trust in myself – in life – or in others. As I continued reading I began to pick up the pieces that were scattered about and started slowly reclaiming the loses that I had allowed my negative ego to devour.

A few months ago I had been introduced to my inner child, now I have been introduced to my negative ego and am learning how I have allowed this part of me to affect so many aspects of life. I have sought to control my circumstances and everyone involved in them, I wanted an outcome of guaranteed results, the ones that I had pictured in my mind. I deceived myself for many years carrying on this way because I didn’t trust myself or life to take care of my subsequent needs. I was the master of my own deception.

Somewhere along the line I learned to place my trust in things and people I should not have and ignored my own inner voice. In lying to myself, ignoring my inner voice and acting upon pure emotions, I had invited others to do and act in the same respect within the parameters of these relationships. I had no Boundaries thus making it very difficult to understand how to respect the boundaries of others.

“In life we always get what we expect”

“You will find it easier to trust if you understand what you put out will come back”

It is time to take accountability for the choices I had made and their consequences, otherwise I will “continue to chase peace and joy.” It is now time to learn to trust myself – trust in God- trust the process of life and others.

First up is to get my negative ego in check, to quiet it down to a voice that is unrecognizable and replace it with positive affirmation.
Then I must start making healthy decisions that will build reliance, creating self-trust.
I must develop some healthy boundaries for myself, knowing where I am willing to be flexible within them and in return this will help me to respect the boundaries of others.
I need to re-program my thoughts and behaviors so when a challenging moment arises I do not latch on to the feelings and actions I learned to use out of fear.
I will learn to value my “self-affirmation” more than “external validation”
and to know, no matter what – above all- I will be ok.

“What we hold in our hearts determines how we move through life”

As My Personal Journey continues on I become more in touch with whom I really am. Until we can see clearly and be completely honest with ourselves – self-trust is not attainable.

Maureen xo