Rooting to Rise – Page 6 – home of yoga&you

Success in the Eyes of a Twelve-Year Old Girl

Posted on April 8, 2018July 12, 2022 by twomomsadmin

When I was 12, my thoughts about success were simplistic. If I brushed my teeth and did my homework, I was on the right track. For my parents, this was clear-cut logic, my dad went to work and my mom took care of the house; that was enough in my eyes to deem them successful. My daughter, however, seems to have other thoughts about the topic.

Driving home from a dental appointment my daughter Rebekah and I somehow got talking about this subject of success. I casually asked her what being successful meant to her.

Without hesitation she replied, “Being famous.”

“What?” I blurted out then focused my eyes more intently on the road so I didn’t veer into the oncoming traffic. Famous, I thought. What kind of answer is that? I know she follows lots of, insta-famous people on Instagram; is this where her answer was coming from? I sat quietly for a moment trying to think of something intelligent and witty to say that would support my complete disapproval of her response, without sounding too harsh.

“Do you think I am successful?”

“Nope,” she bluntly replied.

I immediately began examining my life as quickly as the scenery that flew by my window as we drove down the road.

“Why?” I asked trying not to allow her assessment to feel like it was truly my reality, but more importantly deciphering why fame was her answer to my question .

She listed her reasons with confidence as if she had been studying them for a test. “Divorce, having to sell our house, your boyfriends and your boring job.”

Hearing this out loud, my heart sank into my stomach. How could I dispute that? I am supposed to be her role model. Clearly, I have done a good job showing her how to make a mess of one’s life. Just being mommy wasn’t enough like it was when she was five. My simple accomplishments were no longer viewed as heroic; she was now scrutinizing every step I took and seemed to be labeling it too.

We continued down the road in silence. I pulled into McDonalds; this situation called for the hard stuff, vanilla milkshakes and French fries. I needed to lighten the air up a bit before I contested her perception of my failures and shed some light on the reality of falling short, whether we are famous or not.

I swirled the whipped cream on top of my milkshake with my straw in an attempt to clear the negative thoughts out of my head. Oddly, I thought I had been rather successful to some degree. Sure, I took a detour here and there- a little more than I would have liked, but so have the Kardashians. No one makes all the right decisions and creates a perfect life right out of the gate. This was a chance to have one of those mommy moments, to explain what success was really about.

But after my heart to heart, her response was,“But you’re almost 47!” Yikes, this was starting to sound a bit like a Dr. Phil episode. Maybe it was best I stopped trying so hard to make her see it my way.

She stared out the window as if to inform me that the conversation was now over. I think she understood, but I don’t think I made a believer out of her at that very moment. I guess I will just have to hope that the seeds I planted will lend itself to a bountiful harvest.

Oh, the joys of motherhood.

Live Well~

I’ve been so busy living for tomorrow I forgot to live for today…..

Posted on November 29, 2017March 31, 2022 by twomomsadmin

I haven’t posted on my blog in quite a while, it’s been about a year to be exact.

I have been caught up in searching for my future instead of enjoying each gifted day.

My mind is always so busy focusing on, “What will tomorrow bring?”, and, “Where will I be next month or one year from now?”

Why is it that I am always looking forward to what tomorrow, next week, next month, or the next year has in store instead of simply looking forward to what today will bring?

Always searching for something more, something better, something more enlightening becomes habitual. This is not to say that we shouldn’t always strive to do better or to pursue our dreams – but I think we can easily cross a line into a place where feeling what we have or where we are at any given time is not good enough. I am a firm believer that we have a God given destiny but that we also determine our own path to that destiny by the choices we make. Depending on how long it takes us to figure out how the natural flow of life works will depend on how long it takes us to reach each destination we are prescribed to be.

When I think about the times I make a conscience effort to feel grateful, hopeful, and happy each day and live in the present moment , it is these times that I feel the most fulfilled. One thing I know for sure is the more grateful I am, the more positive of an outlook I keep, and the more I expect for goodness to follow me- it surely does. Our thoughts define our actions. Our daily thoughts don’t just stay with us, they go out into the world and act as an invitation and RSVP back to us with the same views- feelings- and judgments that we send out.

I am not saying that life doesn’t throw us some curve balls but it’s important not to stay in the mindset of, “Tomorrow will be a better day.”, because we are given today to be happy, to be grateful, and be a blessing to others. We are given today to receive what ever the day may bring- which is a portion of our destination and purpose.

As the winter season begins and the holidays usher in peace- joy- and goodwill to men, I will be focusing on each gifted day and sending good vibrations out to all and expecting to receive them right back. For what you send out into the world is what you shall receive. I am sure I will still wonder what the future may hold but I will remind myself that each day brings about exactly what I need and things will unfold in their due time- the perfect time.

Walk through your day with a glad heart and a smile on your face and see the difference you make in each day not only for yourself, your friends and family but for all that happen to cross your path.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ~ Philippians 4:6

Live well,

Maureen~

The Truth about Change

Posted on November 3, 2017July 4, 2020 by twomomsadmin

It’s been almost a full year since I last posted on my blog. I have written several pieces but easily was distracted and never went back to finish them.

It’s been a busy year with many changes. Jamie moved in this past spring, I put the house on the market in the summer, I got engaged on my birthday in July, and I am now moving into a rented farmhouse that needs a lot of elbow grease and TLC. These are big changes and they have set off a lot of emotional responses. Turns out I’m not so great at excepting change and allowing life to usher me into the next phase. It is all overwhelming and when I am overwhelmed my brain doesn’t think too clearly. Maybe it’s the amount of change that has occurred in such a short period of time….?

I looked back at a piece I wrote last January and I was a bit disappointed to find that I am still mending from past events. I have been trekking through this jungle, which I referred to as a “crazy beautiful world” in that January post, for about 3 years. How long will it take for me to stop feeling the aftershocks of my past?

I have found myself in states that were both frightening and liberating. One moment I feel as if I have achieved the gold medal for running the race of life followed by another moment of me laying in a heap in the corner of the room crying, weary and dazed. I want to believe I am on the tail end of those days, but what if I’m not? It’s as if I have an inner compass that spins out of control at times.

Trust, love, and team are words that I struggle with. It has become easy for me to quickly dismiss any connection upon a negative reaction from another. Feeling a strong sense of safety and control in disconnection, I have a growing desire to continue on in life alone. Is this a step in the direction of healing? Does this mean that my co-dependant tendencies are working themselves out, or am I simply trading one emotional issue for another? This sounds horrible, doesn’t it? The battle between fight or flight is not an easy one and challenges me often.

Being the mom I wish to be has become daunting. It is difficult to not only co-parent with your ex that is influenced by a separate household but also with another man living under the same roof with a different view of parenting. It is a stressful challenge to be strong in my own convictions and have two other people’s thoughts coming at me.

I know I haven’t painted a very pretty picture with all that I mentioned above, but these are my struggles and challenges. So many changes have caused me to feel displaced with questions if I am moving in the right direction. I feel like my life has been placed in a blender.

Some days are easier than others, some days seem brighter than others, some days I’m scared out of my mind and other days I am as tough as nails. I pray that God gives me the strength to fight through it all and one day I can look back and say I am a stronger and better person than I ever was.

My prayers and thoughts go out to anyone reading this that has their own personal struggles and battles they fight. Keep on moving forward, there are brighter days ahead, right?

Maureen~

My Brother is Getting Married!

Posted on November 12, 2016July 3, 2020 by twomomsadmin

Tomorrow my little brother, 6 ft. 3″ little brother, gets married. My heart is consumed with joy because not only do I truly believe he has chosen the right girl to have and to hold till death do they part, but tomorrow I officially gain another sister. She is as beautiful on the outside as she is within her soul; I couldn’t think of a more perfect fit for my “little” brother. I remember the day he brought her home; mind you she is the first and only girl he has chosen to introduce to our family.

I have watched their relationship grow and change – ebb and flow as both learned the meaning of the word compromise and what the word LOVE in its purest form means.

Tomorrow they will vow to love one another as family and friends look on in support of this new union. I am sure each person will ponder on the vows that were taken in their past and quietly send thoughts of well wishes and guidance from their own personal experiences.

They have asked my Rebekah to read a passage from the bible about Love~

Love is patient,

love is kind.

It does not envy,

it does not boast,

it is not proud.

It is not rude,

it is not self-seeking,

it is not easily angered,

it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects,

always trusts,

always hopes,

always perseveres.

Love never fails.

This is love in its purest form, yet I am not sure if any one of us has attained such a heightened form of love as this. That being said if you take each portion on its own then piece them together one by one I believe that this kind of LOVE is possible between two fallible human beings. God is love – he created us in his likeness- we are love and though it may be hard to love in this manner it is what God intended. I will be praying for my brother James and his new bride Adrienne’s marriage. I will pray that they will remember each line of this passage they chose to be read at their wedding, for if they do, they will have achieved something most marriages have not.

May God bless both of you. I love you to the moon and back….. I can’t wait to see all the amazing things life has in store for you both!

Changing the Equation to get the Right Answer~

Posted on October 30, 2016March 31, 2022 by twomomsadmin

“You can’t hold onto a fairytale just because you think you can change the ending of the story.”

What?! Of course I can change the ending of the story- Love will conquer all, Love will save the day, and Fairytales really do come true. At least they did in all my favorite Disney classics.

Unfortunately, so far this notion hasn’t quite worked out that way in my life. I have tried to change the ending of more fairytale stories than I can count, but each one ended in a not so enchanted way. Where did I go wrong? It is always the usual- Boy meets girl- sparks fly- then somewhere along the lines certain key components were missing and instead of moving on I chose to battle for that fairytale ending. As someone once said to me, “I guess I like happy endings.” But at what point in a relationship is it time to realize certain stories are not meant for happy endings? I don’t want to give up on my ideals about what love is capable of doing, do I have to? Has this notion been the reason my equation keeps coming up with the wrong answer? Does X +Y not = LOVE?

Here I am at the lovely age of 45 and I think I have finally come to a true understanding of how to get the right answer to the equation of fairytale love. Here it comes, “You must first love yourself before someone else can.” How many times have we all heard this saying, even agreed with it, but do we truly grasp the understanding of it?

What does loving yourself really mean?

Through trial and error, I have learned that loving me means making better choices that produce better results. It takes time, patience, strength, and a lot of self –forgiveness. Rewinding and re-recording over old messages, learning from past blunders, searching and seeking the inner consciousness, and hearing God speak, and allowing him to heal.

Learning to love you is the key to the future success of a fairytale ending.

I still believe in true love that lasts the test of time, I just changed the equation around a bit. This time I will hold onto me first, instead of the fairytale and by doing this, I am able to change the ending of the story-

Live well~ xo

Finding more than Peace at Innisfree Gardens~

Posted on September 27, 2016 by twomomsadmin

As I sit sipping a warm cup of what I hope to be the first rays of sunshine this morning, I realize the cloudy, foggy, weather parallels my emotions. Words of comfort begin to gently speak to my inner conscious. “Be still, be quiet. Stop thinking so deeply. Let go of everything you are holding on to, ideals, people, and plans, all of it. Let go of who you think you are, who you think you want to be. It’s time to Just Be. Release, cleanse, heal.”

“Thank you Lord.” I whisper.

Taking a deep breath, the fog lifts and dissipates into the early morning light that is peering through my butter yellow curtains.

I need to go in search of a place that will impart a sense of peace on my soul, a place that will offer me something I am missing, maybe it’s something that I lost or perhaps never actually possessed. Remembering a conversation about Innisfree Gardens with a lovely woman named Maura that I recently met, I decide this is where I will head to today.

Gathering up my thoughts along with my empty cup of sunshine, I quickly shower and dress and set out on what begins to feel like an adventure. I program my google maps and drive off in silence. The further I drive, the more relaxed I become. Sinking a little further down into my driver’s seat I think to myself, “Just Be.”

Within forty-five minutes I am turning left down a one lane dirt road. The road only allows enough room for one vehicle, making it necessary for me to pull over several times to allow other visitors who are departing the gardens to pass by; I wonder if they are leaving with something more than they arrived with.

Armed with a bottle of water, my cell phone for taking pictures, and a desire to find what I am looking for, I start down the pebble path that opens up to a lake ornamented with water lilies. Remaining still, I take in my surroundings, knowing that I have just discovered a very special place. The feeling of wisdom that lie within the landscape makes itself known as I quiet myself a bit more before accepting the invitation to continue.

Though there is a set route around the lake, I decide to veer off to explore pathways that lead up to other gardens. It’s feels as if I am traveling the world as I pass by a rain forest, an enchanted wood where I imagine fairies to live, and gorgeously manicured Chinese and Japanese gardens. There is a definite connection between myself and nature as each space transports me, evoking my senses, offering me an awareness of self and soothing my soul.

Compelled to engage a little further I begin to touch the bark of the trees, brush my hands atop the tall garden grasses, and trace my fingers along the engravings in the stones and the deep grooves within the boulders.

Spotting a mist of water kissing the blue sky, I take off feeling excited to find yet another treasure in this extraordinary place. A tall wooden shoot is offering this cool mist and I don’t hesitate to take part in what seems to be a celebration of sorts and allow it to shower over me. It sends me off with a rainbow to remind me where there is rain there is also sun. With each step my questions, self-imposed demands, anxieties, and fears begin to fade into the background of the serene scenery, “This is the place where I can, Just Be.”, I think out loud.

Finding a bit of shade, I rest myself on a stone wall overlooking the lake. Gazing out I think how the beauty and wisdom of this place did not occur overnight. It has been in constant transition, not only from the hands of men but also the elements of nature. There is a lot to be learned from these gardens. The ebb and flow of life has helped to create the very person I am. It is up to me how I allow this to affect my life. I can view my circumstances as negative and create a downward cycle, or I can choose to just sustain and exist, or become enlightened, informed and flourish. It is just as simple as that, I must choose a path which will dictate the journey I take.

Ready to press on, I follow what seems to become a more distinctive pathway leading to a bridge stretching across the lake where hundreds of water lilies have made their home. Kneeling down I sway my hand through the murky water. Being summoned to explore a little further, I gently pick up a water lily to find how firmly its roots are implanted into the bed of the lake- firmly implanted …. Another piece of wisdom offered, I think quietly.

Coming to the end of the bridge, the terrain changes to a more familiar setting as the dirt hill leads into a forest and the air begins to feel cooler from the towering trees that are shading the ground below. I sense I am no longer alone. Each one of them is gently encouraging me to continue my search, not just here in the gardens, but in life. Their pine needles feel soft beneath my feet and cover the ground in a beautiful amber color. Settling myself on a flat rock alongside the lake, I can hear the sound of a water fountain spouting and I close my eyes for just a moment. I can’t be the only one that has come here in search of something; I am certain these gardens have soothed the souls of many just as they have soothed mine. Soft hues of pink look as if they are airbrushed throughout the sky, the sun is beginning to settle and I decide it is time for me to gather up my new found sense of being and carry it back to my world.

I slowly find my way back to the car and reluctantly get in and start the ignition. I settle in for the drive back home in silence, not wanting to lose the wisdom Innisfree Gardens so generously shared with me. There is no fast forward button in life. I have the choice of fighting against the process or I can allow the ebb and flow to encourage me along my path. I can listen to that small inner voice and the beating of my heart for guidance or I can continue making the same mistakes, chasing my tail in a circle.

No, there is no fast forward button to press and skip by the challenges, victories, and destinations life has in store for me. They are all meant to prepare me for the amazing future I have in store! I need to, Just be.

Live well~ xo

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Back to the Books!

Posted on August 1, 2016March 31, 2022 by twomomsadmin

Everyone has had a certain subject in school that was difficult for them, one that took longer to get a passing grade or a well deserved ‘A’ .

As I am ‘Running 2 My Life’, some subjects I pass with flying colors but there is one I seem to come up short in, Rejection, or shall I say, what I perceive to be rejection. I am wired to draw from the wrong material I studied from for years. This gets me a big fat ‘F’ in Rejection.

It’s a really difficult feat to rewire my inner workings, but it is not impossible. I refuse to allow any grade less than an ‘A’ to go onto my report card, so I will continue to study until I become a Master of Rejection!

When I hear the word, “NO”, I hear- “You are not good enough”, “You are not smart enough, “You are not pretty enough”, “You are not loveable enough”, none of which is true. Life is full of rejection regardless of how perfect or imperfect I am. I must learn not to act as if “NO”, is like a life threatening disease.

“NO”, is life’s way of weeding out what and who is a positive power in our existence ….. and what is not. TRUSTING life’s process is a key component to becoming successful. Trust, ugh! …. another difficult subject for me.

That’s why I go back to the books and study some more for the next test life throws my way. I WILL get that well deserved ‘A’ that I am striving for!

Life can be a beautiful process if we all learn the importance of the word, “NO”.

Never give up on your dreams, anything is attainable, failure is not fatal, rejection is not a life threatening disease, it’s just an opportunity to learn to trust in life’s process and bring you closer to where you are meant to be.

Live well~ xo

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Fabulous in my Forties!

Posted on July 10, 2016 by twomomsadmin

It’s my birthday!

The BIG 4-5…… and despite all the changes this past year has delivered, I am feeling pretty darn great!

The term Fabulous Forties is accurate in its adjective …. FABULOUS! I have been told that women in their forties are at the peak of their beauty- sexuality- passion- and creativity, I have to agree! Yep! FABULOUS FORTIES!

At the age of 45 there has been an emergence of my inner womanhood. I am ready to live, see, and experience life like never before, no holds barred. In order to arrive there I had to take a deep inner look at who I am and what makes me tick. To live the way I intend to live I needed to release a lot of baggage I have been carrying over the years; this was no easy task but well worth the intense labor. I am moving on into the future more free and able to accept what this life has to offer.

On this forty-fifth birthday instead of looking back, I am looking forward. I see before me a “young” , (at heart at least) lady who is standing taller, smiling bigger, feeling more confident, and making better choices because I am listening more intently. I am still learning and discovering things about myself but that has become a great part of this new adventure!

I feel as if life has just begun and the world is my oyster and let me tell you, I’m expecting to find the most beautiful pearl! It’s time to tap into all my inner wisdom, listen to my intuition and get moving on those dreams that are floating around in my head.

So cheers to another year of growth, another year of great promise, and another year of getting closer to making my dreams come true!

Live well! xo

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A Summer Solstice Trail Run to Remember~

Posted on July 5, 2016July 12, 2022 by twomomsadmin

In my past posts I have mentioned how running helps me to see the beauty in the world. It has enhanced the perception of how I see, hear, and feel my surroundings. One has to be willing to receive what is being offered and give consent to the change it wants to make within you; I am more than willing. This trail run fit the bill in every sense of what I wanted to experience from a run and I was over the moon to have the opportunity. I read that these views were amongst the most beautiful in the world; something that no runner should miss. I was well aware of what I was in for, my frequent visits over the years prepared me for this and I was as excited as a kid on Christmas morning waiting to unwrap all the beautiful packages!

This awe inspiring trail run took place on my old stomping grounds, Minniewaska State Park; a place where I spent many weekends with friends swimming, hiking, eating, drinking, and enjoying life. This would become a new adventure that I was excited to add my to portfolio of Minniewaska memories and experiences!

Since this race had a 6:30pm start time, I decided it was best to take a half day from work to prep myself to make sure I was hydrated and fueled thoroughly. Unfortunately one of my favorite run buddies was not able to make it, but she was kind enough to sign over her registration to a new run buddy I met at work and he was kind enough to except the invitation.

I was so concerned that the 350+ registered racers would create a huge hindrance entering into the park so I made sure to get there extra early. Our 5pm arrival allowed us a smooth entry way into the park and gave ample time to fuel, relax, and use the porta potties- several times prior to start off.

As we were called and corralled into place, my excitement began to heighten. Brett (my work run buddy) and I made our way through the masses; we wanted to be as far back of the pack as possible.

3-2-1…..GOOOO!!!!!!!… Cough..Cough…Cough!! It was as if we were amidst a cattle stampede. The fine dirt that the 350+ runners stampeded upon became a cloud of dust that rose up and around us. It finally settled as we began to ascend up the mountain into higher elevations.

We climbed the winding carriage trail for 3.5 miles, the cool mountain air was soon a mere memory as my body temperature rose along with the elevation. The blooming Mountain Laurel welcomed us and wished us well as we trekked up the trail. My objective for this race was purely to take in all these mountains had to offer. Around each curve of the trail there seemed to be an outlook point and I stopped at every one of them- took a picture, inhaled deeply and graciously accepted its gift of beauty.

I took off to catch up to Brett; I believe his objective was to finish without a break in his slow and steady pace. My dad always said, “slow and steady wins the race.”

I finally reached Castle Point, the peak of this 14K trail run.

WOW! Sometimes it is difficult to put into words what something so breathtaking makes you feel…. let me try. As I stood on the cliff and looked out, it was as if I was suddenly all alone- just me, the valley, its vastness and Lake Awosting lying in the center of a thick forest of pine. Here is one of those moments I described above when you have to be open- dare I use the word vulnerable, to what the world and life is offering and the changes it wants to make within you. It would have been real easy to distract myself with keeping time and pace but I chose to stop and listen and feel that moment. This moment- this valley, reminded me how strong I am and that there is a world out there waiting for me to put my mark on it. It told me not to change one thing about who I am, what I want from life, my dreams and desires. It reminded me that it won’t be an easy journey but if I want it bad enough, it is mine for the taking. Yes, I heard all of that from this valley and from that one moment that I chose to stop and listen.

It was time to pull myself away from this momentous view and continue on to find what else awaited me. Again I kicked it into high gear and raced down the winding trail to try to catch up to Brett. The decent made it all the easier to run at top speed but the constant flux in pace had now given me a cramp in my side; I had to pull back just a bit. I then realized it was imperative for me to veer off the trail and make a quick pit stop into the woods. My bladder was sending me consistent warning signs that I finally decided to heed. As I looked for a private place within the forest I prayed that I would not be stomping upon a patch of poison ivy; that was not part of the experience I was looking to take from this Summer Solstice run! After I became one with my surroundings I took off down the trail; I reminded myself why I was here and slowed my pace down. I was now about three quarters of the way to the finish line. I turned a corner and once again the backdrop was set just perfectly as act three began to unfold. The cliff that jetted out over the trail looked majestic wrapped in the bright blue sky. As I ran under it I couldn’t help to think about all it has weathered throughout the years, each striation must have a tale to tell and hold many secrets of the past- present – and maybe even the future.

The stitch in my side finally subsided as I fell into a nice steady pace. I decided to try to make up some time now that the sun was setting; the serenity of the cool, lush forest encouraged me on to the finish line. Even though my pace felt comfortable, my body was feeling quite taxed. I was ready for this run to be done and eager to cross that finish line.

I could hear cheering ahead; the finale of this summer’s solstice was coming to an end. I instinctively sped up, I had just enough oomph to cross the finish line! “Oh- My- Gosh, NO! I can’t do it!” There up ahead was a steep incline right before the flat finish. I turned left and began to climb the daunting, ridiculous incline. I was passing other runners who had become mere prey to this divergence and resorted to walking. Despite its taunting, I ran, I pushed my body beyond where it wanted to be. People standing at the very top encouraged us to keep running. I refused to allow this obstacle to impede on my perseverance to finish this race giving it all I had. I didn’t need to be still this time to hear and feel what these mountains were chanting to me. “It’s not going to be easy, if you want it bad enough you are going to have to give it your all. You have to push your way to the top. Don’t stop – don’t give up- accept the challenge. Just beyond this grueling hurdle is the prize and it’s worth the fight!” And I did just that, fought my way to the top and ran as fast as my exhausted body would run onto and across the finish line, another race in the books and another remarkable experience to add to my Minniewaska portfolio.

After I regained my consciousness, I made my way over to the refueling center. There were several tables full of watermelon and other assorted fruits, Oreos, bagels, etc. I decided on small a piece watermelon; I find it hard to eat after running so hard. I heard my name being called, it was my friend Mary! Another wonderful person I have connected with through my love of running.

I realized I had missed out on the hand towels with the Summer Solstice logo on them, they were being handed out at the finish line, I ran back to claim one. The cool night air felt wonderful as we watched those who were awarded for their speed. They claimed prizes of homemade baked breads and certificates for free registration to up-coming races.

It was time to say goodbye to Minniewaska and the Summer Solstice. We made our way back to the car and down the mountain, back into the world below where it is a little more difficult to quiet yourself enough to listen to what life might be whispering to you. I will be back soon Minniewaska Mountains!

Live well ~ xo

Maureen

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Looking Back One Year Ago~ A Reminder to Stay Determined

Posted on June 7, 2016July 12, 2022 by twomomsadmin

One year ago I continued my goal setting series with my new found joy of running and stepped out of the car setting my feet onto the pavement of Marist College’s parking lot, the starting point for the Walkway of the Hudson Half Marathon 2015. I had done all the necessary training to complete the course on which I was about to embark and I was about to find out just how important my training was- the training of my mind and my body. I didn’t preview the course map; I rarely do prior to running a race. I’d rather take off not knowing what may lie ahead and deal with the terrain as it presents itself. Being an over thinker, this allows me to focus on the journey.

It was an over cast humid day with a damp chill in the air. Accompanying me I had two wonderful ladies I had met while searching for run buddies to help me accumulate the higher mileage that I needed to prepare for this day. I wasn’t feeling my optimal self, a woman’s body does not always cooperate with important dates circled on the calendar- this was one of those days. It is important not to allow distractions or a little discomfort to keep you from what your eyes are focused upon.

As we waited for the opening ceremonies and announcements to finish, my stomach was in knots and I had to ignore the urge to use the bathroom…. once again! The K-T tap I placed on my knee to hold it at bay from overuse was beginning to peel away from my skin and the race had not even begun. I did my best not to allow these minor nuisances hinder my focus.

BANG! We’re off! Uphill to start, “No big deal, I am use to running uphill.” I quickly wondered when the uphill start would actually become level ground, it seemed to last longer than I was accustomed to. Along the way there were people that had to veer off to catch their breath – this never ending “mountain” was a killer. I kept my eyes focused on the pavement and not on the incline- one step at a time. Looking straight down was less intimidating then looking at the elevation that taunted my mind and body so early on. The ground finally leveled out and it was beginning to get warmer and the humidity no longer carried a chill. I felt good and finally settled into a comfortable pace behind a fellow runner. I cleared my mind and zoned myself into a place that I could run free of any thoughts and tuned into the rhythm of my heartbeat and sound of my breathing, I had many miles to contend with. I soon began feeling twinges in my knee; I wished them away and refocused on my sites ahead. The course had now taken to the rail trail and it began to feel a bit cramped and at times it was hard to keep a steady pace without weaving and bobbing through the masses.

I had tried not to drink an excessive amount of fluids prior to the race, just enough to hydrate myself for a hot and humid day. As my body became increasingly taxed from exertion and heat, it became more difficult to retain any fluid- what I am trying to say is…… I peed myself. Yes folks, this happens. I always am prepared for such an occurrence but this day it was more than the usual dribble. I had passed several porta-potty stops but I didn’t want my pit stop to impede on my overall finish time, alas I knew that if I didn’t stop and treat myself to a bathroom break I would be crossing the finish line quite embarrassed from the streaks of urine that would be running down my legs.

It may have been about my eighth mile when I became impatient wondering when I would get to the bridge; I longed to see something beautiful to take my mind off of this trek. Finally! There it was! If I remember correctly I heard a gentleman say it was only three more miles to complete the course…..” I can do that!” I told myself, “It’s only a simple 5k race at this point.”, and that’s what I began to focus on.

Once off the bridge and back onto the rail trail I started to feel over heated, a bit dehydrated and TIRED. I was approaching a refueling station where a band was playing and that is where I found a familiar face handing me a cup of cool liquid gold. It was an older gentleman from my hometown; his encouragement helped me to press on. There was a turning point on this trail that brought us back across the bridge but this time the sights were not as enjoyable. The wind had picked up and felt quite ferocious, impeding on the steady pace I was trying to maintain. My knees started to feel very stiff and cramped from the repetitive motion so I began to run in a high knee fashion on and off in cycles which seemed to help ease the stiffness.

Before long we were back onto the streets of a neighborhood, UPHILL again! At this point I don’t remember much because I think I mentally checked out just to be able to get through the hilly finish. I am not sure how I was moving any longer; I had to of been working off of sheer will to finish the course. I rounded a corner and was back onto Marist’s grounds- the end was near! I was about to complete my first half marathon…. THEN…… another hill! This one was a massive decline. After running thirteen miles there was no way my knees could handle running down such a decline and expect I would be able to walk after crossing the finish line. I had to slow down to an almost walking pace for fear I would injure myself if I tried to do otherwise. There were people yelling from the sidelines, “Use the momentum, run!”

No thanks, I’d rather keep my knees intact, I thought.

The decline was met by a tunnel and just outside that tunnel the finish line was in view! Once again up another slight ascent and then straight across the finish line! “I DID IT!”

I immediately sought out the lady holding the finisher medals; I couldn’t wait to wear it! Once adorned with the proof I was now an official Half Marathoner, I made my way through the crowd and found a cool shaded spot against a stone wall and took a selfie with my medal!

The feeling of setting a goal, working hard to meet the demands of it and not allowing any limitations to cloud my vision, is an incredible feeling of accomplishment.

A fellow runner once said to me that the psychological aspect of running is about running away from things and in his case I can understand why he would think and feel such a thing. For me it has nothing to do with that, in fact the exact opposite. Running for me is about pushing the limits that I may have unconsciously set for myself- not just with physical health but also limits in life’s experiences. . When I am actively setting and meeting goals in my physical life it promotes my self-confidence and what I think I am capable of accomplishing in all aspects of my life. Running gives me an overall sense of strength, capableness, and reminds me to continue striving for what I seek in life because it is attainable.

That first mile I ran almost 3 years ago became an incredibly important milestone in my life. It was the beginning of a new chapter, the chapter of no limitations and dream bigger. Running created a means for me to engage in life more fully and not allow life to become stagnant or monetary. It took my blinders off and helped me to break out of any confines that were holding me back from seeing my full potential in this world.

I know that running is not for everyone, but I encourage you to find that something special that opens your eyes to find the beauty in this world and your special place within it. Find something that challenges you to find your inner strength to help you accomplish more than you thought possible.

Live well

Maureen~

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