#God – Rooting to Rise

Changing the Equation to get the Right Answer~

Posted on October 30, 2016March 31, 2022 by twomomsadmin

“You can’t hold onto a fairytale just because you think you can change the ending of the story.”

What?! Of course I can change the ending of the story- Love will conquer all, Love will save the day, and Fairytales really do come true. At least they did in all my favorite Disney classics.

Unfortunately, so far this notion hasn’t quite worked out that way in my life. I have tried to change the ending of more fairytale stories than I can count, but each one ended in a not so enchanted way. Where did I go wrong? It is always the usual- Boy meets girl- sparks fly- then somewhere along the lines certain key components were missing and instead of moving on I chose to battle for that fairytale ending. As someone once said to me, “I guess I like happy endings.” But at what point in a relationship is it time to realize certain stories are not meant for happy endings? I don’t want to give up on my ideals about what love is capable of doing, do I have to? Has this notion been the reason my equation keeps coming up with the wrong answer? Does X +Y not = LOVE?

Here I am at the lovely age of 45 and I think I have finally come to a true understanding of how to get the right answer to the equation of fairytale love. Here it comes, “You must first love yourself before someone else can.” How many times have we all heard this saying, even agreed with it, but do we truly grasp the understanding of it?

What does loving yourself really mean?

Through trial and error, I have learned that loving me means making better choices that produce better results. It takes time, patience, strength, and a lot of self –forgiveness. Rewinding and re-recording over old messages, learning from past blunders, searching and seeking the inner consciousness, and hearing God speak, and allowing him to heal.

Learning to love you is the key to the future success of a fairytale ending.

I still believe in true love that lasts the test of time, I just changed the equation around a bit. This time I will hold onto me first, instead of the fairytale and by doing this, I am able to change the ending of the story-

Live well~ xo

Finding more than Peace at Innisfree Gardens~

Posted on September 27, 2016 by twomomsadmin

As I sit sipping a warm cup of what I hope to be the first rays of sunshine this morning, I realize the cloudy, foggy, weather parallels my emotions. Words of comfort begin to gently speak to my inner conscious. “Be still, be quiet. Stop thinking so deeply. Let go of everything you are holding on to, ideals, people, and plans, all of it. Let go of who you think you are, who you think you want to be. It’s time to Just Be. Release, cleanse, heal.”

“Thank you Lord.” I whisper.

Taking a deep breath, the fog lifts and dissipates into the early morning light that is peering through my butter yellow curtains.

I need to go in search of a place that will impart a sense of peace on my soul, a place that will offer me something I am missing, maybe it’s something that I lost or perhaps never actually possessed. Remembering a conversation about Innisfree Gardens with a lovely woman named Maura that I recently met, I decide this is where I will head to today.

Gathering up my thoughts along with my empty cup of sunshine, I quickly shower and dress and set out on what begins to feel like an adventure. I program my google maps and drive off in silence. The further I drive, the more relaxed I become. Sinking a little further down into my driver’s seat I think to myself, “Just Be.”

Within forty-five minutes I am turning left down a one lane dirt road. The road only allows enough room for one vehicle, making it necessary for me to pull over several times to allow other visitors who are departing the gardens to pass by; I wonder if they are leaving with something more than they arrived with.

Armed with a bottle of water, my cell phone for taking pictures, and a desire to find what I am looking for, I start down the pebble path that opens up to a lake ornamented with water lilies. Remaining still, I take in my surroundings, knowing that I have just discovered a very special place. The feeling of wisdom that lie within the landscape makes itself known as I quiet myself a bit more before accepting the invitation to continue.

Though there is a set route around the lake, I decide to veer off to explore pathways that lead up to other gardens. It’s feels as if I am traveling the world as I pass by a rain forest, an enchanted wood where I imagine fairies to live, and gorgeously manicured Chinese and Japanese gardens. There is a definite connection between myself and nature as each space transports me, evoking my senses, offering me an awareness of self and soothing my soul.

Compelled to engage a little further I begin to touch the bark of the trees, brush my hands atop the tall garden grasses, and trace my fingers along the engravings in the stones and the deep grooves within the boulders.

Spotting a mist of water kissing the blue sky, I take off feeling excited to find yet another treasure in this extraordinary place. A tall wooden shoot is offering this cool mist and I don’t hesitate to take part in what seems to be a celebration of sorts and allow it to shower over me. It sends me off with a rainbow to remind me where there is rain there is also sun. With each step my questions, self-imposed demands, anxieties, and fears begin to fade into the background of the serene scenery, “This is the place where I can, Just Be.”, I think out loud.

Finding a bit of shade, I rest myself on a stone wall overlooking the lake. Gazing out I think how the beauty and wisdom of this place did not occur overnight. It has been in constant transition, not only from the hands of men but also the elements of nature. There is a lot to be learned from these gardens. The ebb and flow of life has helped to create the very person I am. It is up to me how I allow this to affect my life. I can view my circumstances as negative and create a downward cycle, or I can choose to just sustain and exist, or become enlightened, informed and flourish. It is just as simple as that, I must choose a path which will dictate the journey I take.

Ready to press on, I follow what seems to become a more distinctive pathway leading to a bridge stretching across the lake where hundreds of water lilies have made their home. Kneeling down I sway my hand through the murky water. Being summoned to explore a little further, I gently pick up a water lily to find how firmly its roots are implanted into the bed of the lake- firmly implanted …. Another piece of wisdom offered, I think quietly.

Coming to the end of the bridge, the terrain changes to a more familiar setting as the dirt hill leads into a forest and the air begins to feel cooler from the towering trees that are shading the ground below. I sense I am no longer alone. Each one of them is gently encouraging me to continue my search, not just here in the gardens, but in life. Their pine needles feel soft beneath my feet and cover the ground in a beautiful amber color. Settling myself on a flat rock alongside the lake, I can hear the sound of a water fountain spouting and I close my eyes for just a moment. I can’t be the only one that has come here in search of something; I am certain these gardens have soothed the souls of many just as they have soothed mine. Soft hues of pink look as if they are airbrushed throughout the sky, the sun is beginning to settle and I decide it is time for me to gather up my new found sense of being and carry it back to my world.

I slowly find my way back to the car and reluctantly get in and start the ignition. I settle in for the drive back home in silence, not wanting to lose the wisdom Innisfree Gardens so generously shared with me. There is no fast forward button in life. I have the choice of fighting against the process or I can allow the ebb and flow to encourage me along my path. I can listen to that small inner voice and the beating of my heart for guidance or I can continue making the same mistakes, chasing my tail in a circle.

No, there is no fast forward button to press and skip by the challenges, victories, and destinations life has in store for me. They are all meant to prepare me for the amazing future I have in store! I need to, Just be.

Live well~ xo

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Finding Strength in the Unknown~

Posted on May 28, 2016 by twomomsadmin

As I go about my day… the feeling of loneliness tries to creep in– but I ignore it knowing that something has changed in me these past weeks. I am starting to feel the strength of knowing who I am again. The calmness and peace of truly knowing who you are in this world and what you have to offer is nothing short of a gift. As I sit in the silence of my home sipping a glass of chardonnay and eating left over chicken salad for dinner, I listen to the sounds of spring; the melody of frogs chirping and croaking outside my open window brings an immense sense of peace and calmness. Not wanting for anything in this moment, I know that my true self is slowly emerging into place.

It has been a long two weeks; I don’t ever want to feel even the remanence of emotions that my past has evoked, though it was a necessity for me to feel every last bit that had haunted me within. When you choose not to distract yourself with false monetary pretenses, it is then that the lessons you are meant to learn in life show themselves in the light that you need to see and feel them. There are times when you are amidst these lessons that you feel there is no possible way you will ever be whole again, but it is also at those most intense times that change is occurring deep within your being; it is important to know and hold on to the knowledge of this.

Though my most recent changes have been the onset of this raw and all-encompassing emotional state, it is these changes that have freed me to seek out who I am, where I belong and to accomplish in this life what I have been predestined to. –“Woman must come of age by herself. She must find her center alone.” – Anne Morrow Lindbergh

I do feel that the path we take in life creates who it is we are meant to be– though I can’t help but to wonder if some of the choices I made while traveling my path has prolonged the arrival of my destination. Destination – is there a final destination? I think I am now learning that there is not and furthermore, that there is not meant to be one. I have been on a search since I can remember, for something to grab hold of me and give me that feeling that I have arrived at the right destination. I am finally realizing and taking hold of the true meaning of a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Life is a journey, not a destination.” I find peace and excitement within these words. The fulfillment of not knowing what is going to happen and the endless possibilities that this notion creates is enough to launch me leaps and bounds ahead of where I was just one short year ago. I am grateful for my resilience and dedication to press on through all the discomfort and confusion and to be able to arrive at this very place.

As the warmer weather has been ushered in by the onset of spring, I realize through the winter there was a sense of renewal taking place. Each year as winter approaches the trees shed themselves of their leaves so in spring their renewed beauty has a place to reveal itself and so it is with me, through this winter I was shedding my old self to bring forth the renewed beauty of who I am becoming.

So here I am as Memorial Day weekend is approaching, a time when families and friends gather to enjoy one another’s company. I have been on the pursuit this whole week to find a place to fit in so I don’t feel the absence of what this weekend is about to bring, a feeling of loneliness. My Rebekah is with her father, my parents are out of town and my friends are preoccupied with their own life’s challenges. Having an evening alone is a welcomed thought, but enduring a holiday weekend for four days and nights without plans goes against my grain. I have settled into the notion that this is for a purpose; I am learning and practicing to trust the process of life. I have changed my mindset to embrace this time to have a more deepened sense of self- by myself. Becoming honest with me and trusting life’s process to guide me has been an incredibly difficult feat. My past has taught me the need to challenge and control- but within that there was a sense of responsibility that was exhausting and uncomfortable, like swimming upstream against the current. In letting go of this need to predestine my time, I am learning to feel content with not knowing. My openness to an unscheduled life is an olive branch extended toward learning to trust life, myself,others, and God.

I will end with a quote from the book I am reading, A Year by the Sea – by Joan Anderson, “When one is freshly informed, has a serendipitous experience, one’s mood is changed. That is why taking time to see, hear, be present to images and language that arises from new experiences have the power to change one from one way to another.” – Clarissa Pinkola Este’s

Live well xo