#realtionships – Rooting to Rise

“You can’t hold onto a fairytale just because you think you can change the ending of the story.”

What?! Of course I can change the ending of the story- Love will conquer all, Love will save the day, and Fairytales really do come true. At least they did in all my favorite Disney classics.

Unfortunately, so far this notion hasn’t quite worked out that way in my life. I have tried to change the ending of more fairytale stories than I can count, but each one ended in a not so enchanted way. Where did I go wrong? It is always the usual- Boy meets girl- sparks fly- then somewhere along the lines certain key components were missing and instead of moving on I chose to battle for that fairytale ending. As someone once said to me, “I guess I like happy endings.” But at what point in a relationship is it time to realize certain stories are not meant for happy endings? I don’t want to give up on my ideals about what love is capable of doing, do I have to? Has this notion been the reason my equation keeps coming up with the wrong answer? Does X +Y not = LOVE?

Here I am at the lovely age of 45 and I think I have finally come to a true understanding of how to get the right answer to the equation of fairytale love. Here it comes, “You must first love yourself before someone else can.” How many times have we all heard this saying, even agreed with it, but do we truly grasp the understanding of it?

What does loving yourself really mean?

Through trial and error, I have learned that loving me means making better choices that produce better results. It takes time, patience, strength, and a lot of self –forgiveness. Rewinding and re-recording over old messages, learning from past blunders, searching and seeking the inner consciousness, and hearing God speak, and allowing him to heal.

Learning to love you is the key to the future success of a fairytale ending.

I still believe in true love that lasts the test of time, I just changed the equation around a bit. This time I will hold onto me first, instead of the fairytale and by doing this, I am able to change the ending of the story-

Live well~ xo

Recently my status has changed from married, to …. soon not to be married. I have labeled myself with the title of wife for 13 years.

I am just beginning to realize I have used these labels throughout life to create an identity for myself; it’s almost as if I need these labels to feel like a complete person. “Hi, my name is Maureen; I am a Mom, a wife, a runner and blogger – this is who I am.” But is it really?

I believe I’ve struggled with needing to label myself since my early 20’s. I felt completely lost most of those years searching for who I really was. I looked for my identity through boyfriends I dated, jobs I worked, religious organizations, and friends that would come and go throughout my life. Then at age thirty two I was married and my identity was of wife, at thirty five it became wife and mother and I struggled immensely feeling lost once again. I didn’t understand who I was outside of wife and mother and it took me years to feel comfortable within my own skin. Now I am getting divorced and losing a label and those unsure feelings are back, again. I do think this is somewhat normal, it’s a part of growing and learning who I am and who I want to be in this world.

Good enough labels ~

When labeling myself, I must be the utmost perfection of that label; otherwise it must not be true.

If I am not the best mother, the kind that attends all the sporting events, plans the best parties, joins the PTA- volunteering for everything – am I good enough?
If I am not the best wife, the kind that always has her house clean and in order, dinner made, bills paid, and keeps her husband and child satisfied and happy- am I good enough?
If I am not a great runner, the kind that can run a half marathon fully without walking one step, cross trains five days a week and enters all the local races – am I good enough?
If I am not a consistent blogger/writer, the kind that can write and post on a daily/weekly basis, always has the mindset to create and turn out the best pieces in a snap – am I good enough?

Without these labels and without being the best at each one – am I Maureen and am I good enough? This is what I am working on, figuring out why I need to label myself to feel relevant and good enough.

Am I trying to prove something to someone or myself? What happens if I am not a wife or even someone’s girlfriend anymore? Does this mean I am not good enough to be loved? Did I do something wrong that no one would want to love me? This is obviously a ridiculous question/statement. But somehow along the way I have adopted this line of thinking and it filters down into all the other labels I seek to place on myself.

I will tell you, it is exhausting trying to sustain these labels and to perfection, or what I perceive to be perfection. It is an internal struggle and battle that I wage war with quite often. How freeing it would be to feel I didn’t have to “be” anything. To know who I was without a label. To feel good enough without a label and at its perfection. How do I do this?

I have been on a journey of self-discovery for as long as I can remember and each time I seem to have a grasp on who it is I think I am – **** BAM **** life begins to change and it throws me off. I understand we are always learning and discovering about ourselves and I believe this makes life fun and challenging. It would be a dull and unfulfilled life to remain the same person from a child through adulthood. That being said I don’t want to feel the necessity to label or title myself as something to have an identity.

I want to be a great mom because I love my daughter and she is my world – period

I want my future romantic relationship(s) to enhance my happiness, not be the source of it and using them as my identity.
I want to be a runner free of demands I put on myself for perfection.
I want to be a blogger/writer simply because I love to share my experiences with the world and inspire others.

I want to live my life knowing who I am without a label and feel perfectly ok with it.

“Hi, my name is Maureen.” Period end of sentence

Changing the Equation to get the Right Answer~

Learning to love myself just as I am ~ without a label