Something was different, he wasn’t the same person I remembered, but neither was I.
There was a humbleness about him that allowed for honesty; he wasn’t hiding from the world or himself.
The future is unknown to us, and I think that is one of life’s perfections. In the unknowing and allowing, we are able to refine the sharp edges that life creates; and let the walls we build to be whittled away. We think we need these walls as protection, but if we understood the purpose of life we would understand how to ingest it. We do ourselves a dis-service trying to create and manipulate life rather than to just allow it to reveal itself.
It was on this day, last year, that I finally started putting the practice of allowing into place. Carl suggested we go for sushi to “catch up”. Never having sushi before, I was excited to try something new. We had not seen one another in a few years, which had been a brief encounter and rather a rude one, on my part, and before that- I couldn’t tell you when I had seen him last. Prior to going for sushi, I set the ground rules, they went something like this, “I want to make sure… that we are on the same page. Not that I am flattering myself in any such way… I just want to make sure that you know- I am NOT looking for a relationship (romantic). That I do love connecting with others – friendship wise. I am in a major healing place right now and I am seeking friendship – I don’t want to be flattered or talked shit too- I just want honesty and friendship… talking- laughing- enjoy the moment the conversation- life. Is that too deep and crazy sounding for you? I am not implying you are looking for a relationship- I just want to make sure you get where I am coming from – up front.”
“Lol, I never thought anything but. I’m not looking for anything at all Mo.” he seemed to text lightheartedly.
So, with that out in the open, the evening commenced. Sushi, which I LOVED, led to coffee at Starbucks where our conversation continued into the night on their parking lot patio. Without knowing, Starbucks had closed for the evening. The lights had been turned off and the employees had gone home. It was after 10 pm and I had to work in the morning. I left that night feeling like I just made a new friend. It was refreshing to have such deep and honest conversation with someone that was just as willing to be open and honest about the sharp edges and walls, real life.
One day rolled into the next, as our fondness for each other’s company grew. We spent many evenings talking over Carl’s carefully prepared meals which always ended with a cup of coffee and swaying back and forth on the porch swing in firefly glow.
Each night the space that laid between us on the swing became less and each night I promised myself I would leave by 10:00 pm, but I actually never left before midnight.
Those quiet hours that our two silhouettes spent sitting on that porch swing, talking and swaying, are forever etched in my mind and heart; it allowed our souls to come forward, free to be who we truly are.
A whole year has gone by! Though a lot has changed, there are a few things that remain constant-
Time still goes by in an instant when we are together.
We still talk for hours over a cup of coffee…. Or two.
And our souls are still forward and free, being who they want to be.
Though we may have taken a rocky road on our way to that night of sushi and coffee confessionals, I believe it is why we are together today, standing tall and basking in the rewards and perfection of life.
Happy Anniversary my dear, sweet love. Thank you for this past year of allowing life to take us where it wants to bring us. ♡
