Recently my status has changed from married, to …. soon not to be married. I have labeled myself with the title of wife for 13 years.
I am just beginning to realize I have used these labels throughout life to create an identity for myself; it’s almost as if I need these labels to feel like a complete person. “Hi, my name is Maureen; I am a Mom, a wife, a runner and blogger – this is who I am.” But is it really?
I believe I’ve struggled with needing to label myself since my early 20’s. I felt completely lost most of those years searching for who I really was. I looked for my identity through boyfriends I dated, jobs I worked, religious organizations, and friends that would come and go throughout my life. Then at age thirty two I was married and my identity was of wife, at thirty five it became wife and mother and I struggled immensely feeling lost once again. I didn’t understand who I was outside of wife and mother and it took me years to feel comfortable within my own skin. Now I am getting divorced and losing a label and those unsure feelings are back, again. I do think this is somewhat normal, it’s a part of growing and learning who I am and who I want to be in this world.
Good enough labels ~
When labeling myself, I must be the utmost perfection of that label; otherwise it must not be true.
- If I am not the best mother, the kind that attends all the sporting events, plans the best parties, joins the PTA- volunteering for everything – am I good enough?
- If I am not the best wife, the kind that always has her house clean and in order, dinner made, bills paid, and keeps her husband and child satisfied and happy- am I good enough?
- If I am not a great runner, the kind that can run a half marathon fully without walking one step, cross trains five days a week and enters all the local races – am I good enough?
- If I am not a consistent blogger/writer, the kind that can write and post on a daily/weekly basis, always has the mindset to create and turn out the best pieces in a snap – am I good enough?
Without these labels and without being the best at each one – am I Maureen and am I good enough? This is what I am working on, figuring out why I need to label myself to feel relevant and good enough.
Am I trying to prove something to someone or myself? What happens if I am not a wife or even someone’s girlfriend anymore? Does this mean I am not good enough to be loved? Did I do something wrong that no one would want to love me? This is obviously a ridiculous question/statement. But somehow along the way I have adopted this line of thinking and it filters down into all the other labels I seek to place on myself.
I will tell you, it is exhausting trying to sustain these labels and to perfection, or what I perceive to be perfection. It is an internal struggle and battle that I wage war with quite often. How freeing it would be to feel I didn’t have to “be” anything. To know who I was without a label. To feel good enough without a label and at its perfection. How do I do this?
I have been on a journey of self-discovery for as long as I can remember and each time I seem to have a grasp on who it is I think I am – **** BAM **** life begins to change and it throws me off. I understand we are always learning and discovering about ourselves and I believe this makes life fun and challenging. It would be a dull and unfulfilled life to remain the same person from a child through adulthood. That being said I don’t want to feel the necessity to label or title myself as something to have an identity.
- I want to be a great mom because I love my daughter and she is my world – period
- I want my future romantic relationship(s) to enhance my happiness, not be the source of it and using them as my identity.
- I want to be a runner free of demands I put on myself for perfection.
- I want to be a blogger/writer simply because I love to share my experiences with the world and inspire others.
I want to live my life knowing who I am without a label and feel perfectly ok with it.
“Hi, my name is Maureen.” Period end of sentence
Hi, Maureen. My name is Mike. Great post!
. Very nice post…I believe you are not alone as many people probably feel similar. The great part is you have come to recognize this behavior. This will help you grow and become an even stronger individual.