“So often we can get caught up in the rankings, times, personal bests and competitions that we forget about the true joy and life changing experiences that our sport provides. Running is about a journey, a journey that engages an entire community and culture, yet inwardly transforms the mind, spirit, and body.”
“The race will begin in one minute,” the megaphone’s words reverberated in my ears. The early morning summer air was thick and seemed to hang low, making it difficult to breath even at a standstill. I was surrounded by a sea of experienced runners. I had only been training for three months and felt like a fish out of water. I glanced down at my phone in an effort to conceal the fact that I was a newcomer, Could they tell? I wondered. My stomach churned as I looked around at the other runners who were chatting and smiling with one another. The anticipation of uncharted waters was both exciting and nerve racking. I turned up the music on my phone and took a deep breath … BANG!
The crowd steadily moved forward like a cattle drive. I kept my head down and shuffled along within the close confines of the other runner’s shoulders. Within a couple minutes, I was able to break out into open space and pick up my speed to a more deliberate pace. As the nervous energy freed itself through my quickening limbs, my confidence rose and I fixed my attention on the road ahead allowing my thoughts to drift back to the beginning.
To begin a journey, first you must be inspired ~
Peering out the window, I could see the dark gray clouds hanging in the overcast sky. Another dreary, frigid winter morning, I thought as I shuffled into the kitchen and pressed “brew” on the coffee pot, hoping to find a little sunshine in the bottom of my snowman mug. The house looked so bare now that the Christmas tree was gone. All the holiday parties were over and I could feel the holiday humdrums settling in. With coffee in one hand and cell phone in the other, I snuggled into the corner of the couch and pulled a blanket over my legs. I scanned thoughtlessly through facebook in an effort to distract myself from dismal thoughts… then something caught my eye. A picture of my friend Nicole standing in front of Cinderella Castle wearing a fluffy yellow tutu and a huge smile on her face. She had just finished running in one of Disney’s Princess races. The sun shone so brightly in the picture that I swear I began to feel warmer just looking at it.
An instant yearning stirred within me and if I was being honest with myself, it was mixed with a bit of jealousy too. I sat up and immediately texted her wanting to hear everything about it and already conceiving my own tutu and tiara experience.
It was that cold, dreary morning in February of 2014 when I first became smitten with the idea of lacing up a pair of running shoes and heading out the door to earn my tiara. What I didn’t know was, what I just thought would be a fun, novel event to participate in, would actually help me find love again… love for myself and a new found life. I had not only become immersed in my daughter Rebekah’s activities over the past eight years, but there had been a quiet storm brewing and dark clouds were rolling in. I was unknowingly preparing for it. By that following March of 2015 my marriage was in obvious trouble and by the end of June he had moved out and reconciliation was no longer a consideration.
Making the commitment~
I pressed submit on my laptop, officially committing to running in the runDisney Princess 5k and 10k race, yet I hadn’t even attempted to run one mile in 20 years. What’s three miles, I thought. Six is a little intimidating, but three should be no problem. I unearthed the shoebox that held the $25.00 clearance ASICS from under my bed and slipped them on while thinking of Cinderella and her first pair of glass slippers.
Stepping onto the front porch into the morning July sun, I felt invigorated. The plan was to run one mile; I set my timekeeper app and took off in full confidence. After what felt like a good stretch of time, my legs began to feel so heavy, as if Cinder Blocks were attached to my ankles. My heart was beating against my chest like a caution signal flashing warning. I looked down at my watch to see how long I had been running, “60 seconds!” I gasped aloud. I was going to have to ease into this running thing. I mentally revised my plan to a run/walk strategy and completed the three miles with less finesse than I anticipated.
Though I felt like a car that ran out of gas, there was an excitement stirring within me. I walked the rest of the way home to cool down and plot my new plan of action. If I was going to do this, I wanted to do it right. Kristin Banse, an Access Physical Therapy & Wellness team member says, “Recognize that as you fatigue, your form is more likely to be compromised. Usually when a runner’s form is compromised mechanical stress increases and injury can soon
follow.”
The thrill of a new challenge had me completely engaged. Every morning after I sent Rebekah to school I would take off to conquer those miles. My morning runs became a part of my day that I looked forward to. Getting out in the open air and stretching my legs felt so freeing. Listening to the sound of my heartbeat and the rhythm of my breathing would almost set me into a hypnotic state that helped me to pace myself through the miles. I was now comfortably running without any walk breaks and closing in on that 10k mileage goal, I felt unstoppable.
I had to submit an official race time to runDisney, so I found a local race for my test run. This would be a great time to try out my newfound race legs. Adorning a pair of pink Minnie ears for a little Disney inspiration, I set out at 7 a.m. that morning a bundle of nerves, not knowing what to expect. With the sound of the starting pistol, the crowd inched forward. I had never run alongside anyone, so it took a moment to adjust to my surroundings.
Once I broke free from the confines of the crowd, I was able to release the tension I had been carrying that morning and settle into a comfortable pace. The humidity hung on my limbs like heavy wet rags and the climate of my mouth mimicked that of a desert. There were spectators lining the village streets and neighborhoods, calling out words of encouragement, cheering us on toward the finish line. The sound of their voices and clapping hands infused me with the fortitude I needed to climb the winding hills. The faint sound of music found its way to my ears.
As I rounded the corner the triumphant sight of FINISH, spelled out in large letters hung high in the air. It triggered my muscles to exert the last bit of stamina I had. The moment my feet crossed the finish line, a feeling of bliss came over me. It was like an official stamp of approval to confirm my achievement, an unmatched sense of accomplishment and I wanted more. My attention was instantly focused on Rebekah as she threw her little arms around my waist and squeezed tight. “You did it Mommy!” she said with as much excitement as if she had run the race herself.
A tutu, a tiara and my favorite mouse Mickey ~
The anticipated day had come, my plan was executed and I was off to the Princess Races with a larger than life red tutu and a sparkly silver tiara, direct from China for $5.99. I had been to Disney dozens of times, but never for such an occasion as this. Nicole and two of her friends greeted me at the Orlando Airport and from there we were off and running to Disney World for our coronation.
The following morning we boarded our coach bus at 4 a.m. and headed to Epcot for the 5k race. The night sky had not yet given way to the sunrise, leaving the air damp and brisk. Florida was having unseasonably cold temperatures, barley hovering over 32 degrees. With only a thin pair of running shorts under my tutu, I shivered for an hour and a half in the corrals with more than 15,000 other princesses. Suddenly, fireworks burst into the dark sky, signaling the release of the first corral. Each corral received the same send off, lighting the pathway for the thousands of runners.
As we raced down the Disney highways, every runner in sight seemed to be dressed in their Disney best, paying homage to their favorite characters. It wasn’t long before the sun began to rise and crest the calming waterways as we came upon the Boardwalk Resort. The sound of hundreds of running shoes thumped along its wooden planked walkways. The atmosphere permeated with joy; I was having the time of my life in the company of so many others that were seemingly doing the same. It was all going too fast. No matter how many times we stopped to take pictures with characters or take a longer route, the end was nearing quickly.
Alas, the end of the course was just ahead, as we flew into World Showcase for a runner’s tour around the world. Germany… Italy… Japan… Morocco… France… United Kingdom and Canada! The countries went by in a flash, all for the price of a single airfare ticket. The third mile marker was just ahead and I felt like I had just started the race. Crossing this finish line was in some way different. The thrill of completing the course was not at the forefront this time around. It was the spirit of the adventure that added another layer of enthusiasm to my newfound love, along with the camaraderie of like-minded people. I had one more race to run the next morning and I couldn’t wait!
I departed my Disney weekend and arriving back home with a deeper desire for more adventure and ready to push myself to the next level – 13.1 miles.
Finding strength and purpose~
Shortly after I arrived back in New York, those storm clouds were hovering overhead. Life at home was very tense and it was getting increasingly difficult to deny the inevitable. I found myself in my running shoes more often than not, searching for direction and a sense of peace. My struggles at home seemed to parallel the obstacles I encountered while attempting to meet my physical goals. Some days my wandering thoughts of the unknown would completely zap my strength and keep me from my morning runs, but the down times never lasted too long. As my life evolved, I had to evolve with it.
I set my focus on training for my first half marathon. I could not allow my personal circumstances to interfere with my progress and despite all the discord; I was motivated more than ever. I posted a message on my Facebook page in search of a running buddy. I felt a bit silly and wondered what others would think about my inquiry; it was like I was placing an ad for a new friend. Within hours, I had responses from people I hadn’t seen since high school; they had caught the running bug too. We scheduled times and locations to meet up.
This helped me to expand my mileage and my sights outside of my neighborhood. I was craving new scenery and suddenly wanted to explore every nook and cranny of the Hudson Valley. I sought out several rail trails, finding each one unique to its area. Some were dirt paths amongst acres of farmland and cow pastures and others paved pathways that ran alongside streams and lush woodlands. I ran beside the Hudson River, following it over bridges. I ran through state parks and town parks, gardens and winding country roads. The Hudson Valley never looked as beautiful as it did through my eyes as a runner. It was as if I was seeing my home of 43 years, with a new pair of eyes. I started photo journaling my travels and created a blog called Running to My Life. I was now, more than ever, running with a purpose.
A fellow runner told me that the psychological aspect of running is indicative to running away from the things in life that you don’t want to face. This is not so for me; I am running toward my life and pushing the limits that I have consciously set for myself. When asked about the benefits of running, Dr. Jill Sussman, an Advanced Practice Nurse in Adult Psychology commented, “Exercise, especially running, has a profound effect on our emotional and physical well-being. It is an effective tool for stress, anxiety, depression and self-esteem. Bottom line, it can just make you feel good,”
I not only added the element of scenery but also community. By entering local races, I engaged more fully within my community. I ran races for Homeless Veterans, Safe Harbors, United Way, Toys for Tots and local police departments to name a few. With each race, I met people that also shared a love for running- some of which became my good friends. They had a wealth of knowledge and shared their experiences of fueling for long runs, speed training and how KT Tape could be a runner’s best friend. In heeding their advice, I started placing within my age division and bringing home medals and trophies. Somehow, my simple plan to be a princess for a weekend set me on a path toward a more engaging life.
No Limitations~
It had been four months since I arrived home from the princess races and I was ready to carry out my 13.1-mile goal. I stepped out of the car and set my feet onto the pavement of the Marist College parking lot. This was the starting point for the Walkway of the Hudson Half Marathon 2015. I was there with two of the friends I had met through my Facebook post inquiry. We followed a walkway to the top of a grassy hill that provided a stunning view of the river that I have run alongside so many times. Looking out over the water, I thought about the past year’s events. It was just one year prior that I had attempted to run my very first mile, now I was about to run 13. I wasn’t terribly nervous; I felt prepared, determined and ready.
The crowd quieted for the national anthem and then the sound of the starter pistol shot through the air. It was an uphill run right from the start; this is what I trained for, I assured myself. I kept my eyes focused on the ground and paced myself accordingly. I noticed people veering off to the side in order to catch their breath.
By mile three, the ground finally leveled and we turned onto a narrow dirt trail, but now the course was cramped and hard to keep a steady pace without weaving and bobbing through the masses.
It was around the sixth mile and my body was starting to feel taxed from the rising heat and humidity, then… I felt a disturbing twinge in my right knee. Immediate thoughts of not being able to finish, raced through my mind. I pulled my attention back to the trail and envisioned crossing the finish line with arms held high in victory; I was already halfway there.
About the ninth mile, all I could think about was how exhausted and hot I felt; I was miserable. It was mile 10 and I had finally made it to the bridge. I gazed out over the water and down the long winding river that was nestled between the mountains. Inhaling deeply, I fixed my eyes on the blurred distant trail, but keeping my renewed vision in focus.
Just as I heard a volunteer announce that there were, only three miles left to go, my knees started to lock up. I can do this, I assured myself.
The remaining two miles were laden with taxing inclines; just as I reached the crest of one, another was there waiting. Delirium was setting in, as I truly began to wonder if there was an end to this course.
As I approached a darkened underpass, I could see people lined along the sides cheering and shouting, “YOU’RE ALMOST THERE!” A chill ran from the bottom of my feet, straight to the top of my head. Whether it was from excitement or heat exhaustion, I don’t know, but I knew at that point I had made it.
Crossing that 13.1-mile finish line with my arms held high above my head, I felt like I had won a long, difficult battle.
When I think back to the day I attempted to run my first mile, I will never forget my feelings of uncertainty, nor will I forget the exhilarated feeling of achievement. Running undoubtedly has become the most effective tool for showing me what I am really made of. It has proved that I can push through barriers and view struggles as mere obstacles that are meant to be hurdled. Running makes me strong, empowered, accomplished and an awesome role model for my daughter. As the miles accumulate, so does my desire for more. Next stop, 26.2 miles!